Chinese Funeral Taboos: What You Must Know Before Attending a Wake

Nobody hands you a rulebook at the door of a Chinese wake. But break a taboo — wear bright red, say the wrong farewell, let a pet wander near the coffin — and every elder in that void deck will notice. In Singapore and Malaysia, where Chinese funeral customs blend Buddhism, Taoism, and centuries of folk belief, the list of things that can go wrong is long and the consequences feel very real to the bereaved family.

Here is a practical guide to the taboos you need to understand, whether you are organising a funeral or attending one.

Pregnant Women and Funerals

The most frequently asked question on forums like r/askSingapore: can a pregnant woman attend a Chinese funeral?

Traditional belief holds that wakes are saturated with Yin energy — the cosmological force associated with death and darkness. Pregnant women are considered especially vulnerable because an unborn child's spirit is thought to be susceptible to interference from wandering souls. Many families will quietly advise pregnant relatives to stay away entirely.

If attendance is strictly unavoidable — say, the deceased is a parent or grandparent — folk remedies are employed. The most common is tying a red string around the pregnant woman's belly underneath her clothing, since red is believed to repel malicious spirits. Some families also insist she carry a piece of fresh ginger in her pocket. She should avoid lingering near the coffin, skip the cremation or burial procession, and leave as early as is respectful.

These beliefs vary between families. Some modern households dismiss them entirely. The safest approach is to ask the bereaved family directly rather than assume either way.

Mirrors, Deity Statues, and Red Paper

When a wake is held at home or in an HDB void deck, families cover mirrors and religious deity statues with red paper or red cloth. The reasoning is layered: mirrors are believed capable of trapping the soul of a living person if they catch the reflection of the coffin, and exposing household deities to the spiritual pollution of death is considered deeply disrespectful.

This covering stays in place for the full duration of the wake. If the family holds the wake in a funeral parlour, the venue handles this. But for home or void deck wakes — still the most common arrangement in Singapore — the funeral director will apply red paper to every reflective surface before the encoffinment ceremony begins.

Animals Near the Coffin

Cats and dogs must be kept strictly away from the coffin area. Chinese folk belief holds that if an animal — particularly a cat — jumps over or near the coffin, the deceased may be reanimated as a malicious spirit, or the soul's journey to the afterlife will be disrupted.

In practical terms, this means void deck wakes in HDB estates need barriers to keep community cats out. Funeral directors in Singapore routinely set up tentage walls partly for this reason. If you are organising a wake at home, secure pets in a separate room for the entire duration.

When the Casket Closes

The moment the casket is permanently sealed on the final morning is ritually charged. All attendees present are instructed to turn their backs to the coffin during the sealing. The belief is that facing the closing casket risks having your soul trapped inside alongside the deceased.

Related to this: mourners and guests are strictly warned not to let their tears fall directly onto the body or into the casket. Tears on the deceased are believed to weigh the soul down and prevent it from moving on peacefully. Grieving is expected and respected, but the physical tears must not touch the remains.

The Red Thread Protocol

At the reception table of most Chinese wakes in Singapore and Malaysia, you will find short pieces of red thread alongside the condolence book and white envelopes. This is not decorative.

Guests tie the red thread loosely around one finger upon arrival. It stays on for the duration of your visit. Before you enter your own home after leaving the wake, you must pull the thread off and discard it outside your door — on the ground, in a bin, anywhere that is not inside your house. The thread symbolically absorbs the funeral's inauspicious Yin energy, and discarding it at the threshold prevents that energy from following you inside.

Never bring the red thread into your home. Never keep it as a memento.

Coin and Candy Packets

Cantonese families in particular hand out small white or red envelopes at the exit containing a coin and a sweet. The protocol is specific: eat the candy before you reach home to restore sweetness and vitality to your life, and spend the coin — even if it means buying a drink from a vending machine on the way — to symbolically seal your returning luck.

Like the red thread, these items must never be brought into your house unused. The ritual is about cleansing and closure before you cross your own threshold.

Floral Water Washing

Near the exit of many Chinese wakes, families set up a basin of water steeped with pomelo leaves or specific flowers. Guests wash their hands and face before departing. This final cleansing removes the metaphysical residue of death — a practical, physical ritual that marks the boundary between the mourning space and your normal life.

Never Say Goodbye

When leaving a Chinese wake, do not say "zàijiàn" (goodbye) to the bereaved family. The phrase literally means "see you again," and in the context of a funeral, it implies a wish to meet again under similar tragic circumstances. Instead, a quiet nod, a gentle squeeze of the hand, or simply walking away respectfully is the correct departure.

Mourning Period Restrictions

For the bereaved family, taboos extend far beyond the funeral itself. During the first 49 to 100 days of mourning, traditional families observe strict personal restraints:

• No haircuts. Letting hair grow demonstrates that personal grooming has given way to grief.
• No bright clothing. Red, hot pink, and festive colours are prohibited. Dark, muted tones only.
• No celebrations. Attending weddings, birthday parties, baby showers, or Lunar New Year gatherings is considered highly inappropriate. The conflicting energies of joy and mourning are believed to bring misfortune to both events.
• No meat or alcohol during the 49-day period, observed by stricter families.

Depending on the family's conservatism, broader mourning observances — avoiding red clothing and all celebrations — can extend for one to three full years after the death.

Mourning Dress and Sackcloth

Immediate family members wear specific mourning garments provided by the funeral director. The hierarchy of grief is visible through coloured sashes or mourning pins worn on the sleeve — left sleeve if the deceased was male, right if female. Grandchildren wear blue, great-grandchildren wear green, and other relatives wear colours mapping their exact genealogical distance.

Traditional Peranakan families still maintain the practice of wearing coarse hemp sackcloth, deliberately uncomfortable to demonstrate that personal comfort has been abandoned in the face of grief. Most modern families have shifted to plain white t-shirts and black trousers, but the sackcloth tradition persists in some conservative households.

What This Means in Practice

Most of these taboos come from a sincere desire to protect the living and honour the dead. You do not need to believe in every spiritual explanation to respect them. If you are attending a Chinese wake in Singapore or Malaysia, follow the red thread and coin protocols, dress in dark colours, avoid saying goodbye, and ask before bringing a pregnant family member.

If you are organising a funeral and need a structured guide to every custom, taboo, and administrative requirement across both countries, the Traditional Chinese Funeral — Singapore & Malaysia toolkit covers dialect-specific rites, vendor checklists, and planning timelines in one printable reference.