How to Talk to Your Family About Advance Directives in New Brunswick

Why the Conversation Matters More Than the Paperwork

Signing a Health Care Directive and an Enduring Power of Attorney for Personal Care takes an afternoon. The documents are straightforward, the witnessing rules are clear, and no lawyer is needed for personal care planning in New Brunswick. The hard part is not the paperwork — it is the conversation that should happen before you sign.

A directive that sits in a drawer, unknown to the family and unread by the Attorney for Personal Care, is a document that fails at the moment it matters. Your attorney needs to understand your values, not just your signatures. Your family members need to know your wishes exist, even if they are not the ones making decisions. And the conversation itself often surfaces questions and preferences you had not thought to document.

Starting the Conversation

The biggest barrier is initiation. Nobody wants to be the person who brings up dying over dinner. But framing the conversation as practical planning — not as a death-is-imminent alarm — changes the dynamic.

Frame it as paperwork, not prophecy. "I need to get some legal paperwork done that everyone our age should have. I want to make sure my medical wishes are documented and that someone I trust can act on them if I cannot. Can we talk through what I am thinking?"

Use a trigger event as an opening. A friend's health scare, a news story about a family dispute over medical care, a parent's hospital stay — any of these can make the topic feel relevant rather than theoretical. "After what happened with [person], I started thinking about what we would do. I want to make sure we are not guessing."

Be direct if that suits your family. Some families do not need a gentle lead-in. "I want to appoint you as my Attorney for Personal Care. That means you would make my healthcare decisions if I cannot. Before I sign the document, I need you to know what I want."

What to Cover

The conversation does not need to be comprehensive in one sitting. But it should eventually address:

What treatments do you want or refuse? This is the core of the Health Care Directive. Cover the major categories: CPR, mechanical ventilation, feeding tubes, dialysis, and comfort-only care. You do not need to know every clinical term — what matters is that your attorney understands your general approach. Do you want everything possible done to extend life? Do you want comfort-focused care once the prognosis is terminal? Where do you draw the line?

Who will make decisions? This is the EPA appointment. Tell the family who you are appointing as your Attorney for Personal Care and why. If you have multiple children, explain the reasoning — it is not about who you love more, it is about who can make hard decisions under pressure and follow your wishes even when they disagree.

What about a nursing home? If the conversation involves an aging parent in New Brunswick, the nursing home question is unavoidable. New Brunswick's two-refusal policy means the Attorney for Personal Care may need to accept or refuse a placement offer on short notice. Does the person have a preferred facility? A preferred community? A language requirement for care? These preferences should be documented in the directive and understood by the attorney.

Where will the documents be? After signing, the directive needs to be filed with the primary care physician, shared with the Attorney for Personal Care, and stored in a location that is accessible in an emergency. The family needs to know that location. "My advance directive is in the filing cabinet in the office, and a copy is on the fridge in the blue envelope" is more useful than a perfectly drafted document that no one can find.

Handling Disagreement

Family disagreement about end-of-life care is common, and it is far better to surface it during the planning conversation than during a medical crisis.

If your chosen attorney disagrees with your wishes: This is a disqualifying factor. Your Attorney for Personal Care has a legal duty to follow your documented instructions, not their own judgment. If your daughter believes feeding tubes should always be used and you are refusing them, she may not be the right appointment — regardless of how much you trust her in other contexts. Have the conversation, and if the disagreement is fundamental, consider a different attorney.

If siblings disagree with each other: Under New Brunswick law, the Attorney for Personal Care is the sole legal decision-maker. Other family members — no matter how strongly they feel — do not have authority to override the attorney's decisions. Making this clear during the planning conversation reduces the risk of a bedside confrontation later. "I am appointing [name] because I trust their judgment in a crisis. Their decisions are final, and I need the rest of you to respect that."

If the person you want to appoint does not want the role: This is more common than most people expect, and it is completely legitimate. Being someone's healthcare decision-maker is a serious responsibility that involves emotional weight, time commitment, and potentially making choices that cause anguish. If your first choice declines, thank them and move to your alternate. Under New Brunswick law, the attorney must agree to the appointment — it cannot be imposed.

After the Conversation

Once the conversation has happened, the paperwork becomes a formality. You know who your attorney will be, they know what you want, and the family understands the plan. The next steps:

1. Draft the combined Enduring Power of Attorney for Personal Care and Health Care Directive
2. Arrange signing with two independent witnesses
3. Distribute copies to your physician, your attorney, and your local hospital
4. Store the original in a secure but accessible location

The New Brunswick Advance Directive & Living Will Kit includes conversation scripts and a values worksheet that you can work through with your family before signing — turning the most difficult part of advance care planning into a structured, manageable process.

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