Are Flowers Allowed at Amish Funerals? What to Give Instead

Flowers Are Not Part of an Amish Funeral

In mainstream American funerals, sending flowers is the default sympathy gesture. At an Old Order Amish funeral, it's the wrong one.

Amish viewing rooms, service spaces, and cemeteries contain no floral arrangements. No wreaths, no standing sprays, no casket flowers. This isn't a matter of personal preference or family choice — it's a community-wide practice rooted in the plain testimony against display and ornamentation.

Flowers at a funeral draw the eye. They announce the giver's generosity. They decorate death. All of these conflict with Gelassenheit — the Amish principle of self-surrender and humility before God. The deliberate austerity of the viewing and service space is itself a theological statement: death is in God's hands, not ours to beautify.

If you send flowers to an Amish family after a death, they won't be angry — but the arrangement will likely not be displayed. You'll have spent money on a gesture that can't be used as intended.

What to Give Instead

The Amish communal aid system already handles most of the practical needs surrounding a death. Neighbors assume the farm chores, women coordinate and prepare all meals, men clean and set up the viewing space. The family's immediate physical needs are covered.

That said, there are appropriate ways to express sympathy:

A donation to the church mutual aid fund. In participating districts, a church mutual-aid fund may be managed by the deacon and may help with medical bills, funeral costs, and support for the surviving family. Ask the deacon how contributions are handled. A cash contribution to this fund — handed to the deacon in a plain envelope — is a useful form of support. It directly reduces the financial burden on the community and aligns with the plain value of practical mutual aid over symbolic display.

Food contributions. Bringing food can be appropriate when coordinated with the family or women's committee. The women's committee coordinates meals for hundreds of visitors over two to three days, and additional contributions are welcomed. Good options are large-batch, practical dishes that travel well — casseroles, sandwich fixings, baked goods. The traditional Amish funeral food centers on egg noodles in chicken broth, cold ham and cheese sandwiches, potato salad, and fruit pies.

A sympathy card with a brief, sincere note. Keep it simple. A handwritten card with a short expression of condolence — "Our family keeps yours in our prayers" — is appropriate. Avoid elaborate cards with religious imagery that might not align with Amish theology, and avoid assertions like "they're in a better place" (most Amish hold a "living hope" of salvation rather than assurance).

Practical assistance. If you have a relationship with the family, offering specific practical help can be valuable — particularly if the family includes members living outside the community. Help with travel arrangements, coordinating with out-of-state relatives, or handling English-language paperwork can fill gaps that the community's internal system isn't designed for.

What Not to Give

Beyond flowers, several other mainstream sympathy gestures are inappropriate in an Amish context:

• Online fundraisers or GoFundMe campaigns. The mutual aid system handles financial support within the community. An online campaign would be seen as commercializing a sacred process and implying the community can't take care of its own.
• Memorial gifts or keepsakes. Engraved items, memorial jewelry, photo frames — these conflict with the plain testimony against personal possessions and display.
• Elaborate fruit baskets or gift packages. Simple, practical food is welcome. Premium gift baskets with ribbons and branded packaging read as worldly excess.

Mennonite Variations

Conservative Mennonite communities generally share the Amish restraint on flowers, though some more progressive Mennonite congregations do permit modest floral arrangements at the meetinghouse. If you're unsure about a specific Mennonite community, ask a family member or church contact before sending anything.

For modern Mennonite funerals, the conventions may be closer to mainstream practices. Flowers, donations to named charities, and memorial gifts are all common.

The Amish & Mennonite Funeral Guide includes community-specific etiquette for every subgroup — from Swartzentruber Amish to modern Mennonite — so you can calibrate your sympathy gestures to the actual customs of the family you're supporting.