Assisted Dying Eulogy Examples: How to Honour Their Life and Their Choice

The Eulogy Question Every Assisted Dying Family Faces

Writing a eulogy is hard enough. Writing one when your loved one chose the timing and manner of their death adds a layer most eulogy guides don't address: how much to say.

Do you mention the assisted dying directly? Do you frame it as courage? Do you stay silent about it entirely and focus on their life? There's no universal answer — it depends on your family's values, the deceased's wishes, and the audience. But there are approaches that work, and approaches that backfire.

Approach 1: Direct Acknowledgment

If the deceased was open about their choice and your family is comfortable with public disclosure, the eulogy can acknowledge the assisted dying directly. This approach works best when the audience already knows, and when the deceased would have wanted their choice honoured openly.

Example opening:

"Dad spent forty years building things — houses, friendships, a family that could fill this room twice over. He approached his death the way he approached everything else: with a plan, on his terms, and with the people he loved close by. When his diagnosis made it clear that the illness would take everything that made him who he was, he chose medical assistance in dying. It was the bravest decision I've ever witnessed — and the hardest one I've ever had to support."

Why this works: it leads with the person, not the procedure. The assisted dying decision is framed within the context of who they were — a builder, a planner, someone who valued agency. The speaker's emotional honesty ("the hardest one I've ever had to support") makes it real without turning the eulogy into a debate about the ethics of assisted dying.

Example closing for this approach:

"She told me, the week before, that she wanted us to remember her laughing. So here's what made her laugh..."

Ending on the person — not the death — is critical. Even in a fully transparent eulogy, the final image should be the life.

Approach 2: Implicit Acknowledgment

Many families prefer to acknowledge the choice without naming it explicitly. The audience understands what happened, but the language is indirect enough to avoid making the eulogy a statement about assisted dying.

Example passage:

"In her last weeks, Mum was more herself than she'd been in months. She chose how she wanted to spend her remaining time — and she spent it exactly the way you'd expect: on the phone with her sister, bossing the florist around about the funeral flowers, and making us all promise to stop wearing black after three months. She died at home, peacefully, on a Tuesday morning in October, with her family beside her."

Why this works: "she chose how she wanted to spend her remaining time" and "died peacefully at home with her family" communicate the nature of the death to anyone who knows, while remaining perfectly appropriate for audience members who don't. There's no deception — everything said is true — but the manner of death isn't centred.

Approach 3: No Reference at All

If the family has kept the assisted dying decision entirely private, the eulogy simply doesn't mention it. This is a valid choice and one that many families make, especially in communities where assisted dying is stigmatised.

Example opening:

"James lived more fully in sixty-three years than most people manage in ninety. He was diagnosed with motor neurone disease two years ago, and he faced it the way he faced everything — head on, with dark humour and an unreasonable amount of optimism. He died on March 12th, surrounded by his family."

Why this works: the focus is entirely on who James was and how he lived. The disease is named (which is accurate — it's the cause of death on the certificate), and the death is mentioned briefly and warmly. No one in the audience would think anything was missing.

What to Avoid

Regardless of which approach you choose:

• Don't turn the eulogy into an advocacy speech. The funeral is about the person, not the policy. Even if you feel strongly that assisted dying should be normalised, the eulogy isn't the platform.
• Don't use euphemisms that create confusion. "They chose to stop fighting" or "they decided to let go" can sound like the person gave up on treatment or refused care — which is a different decision with different emotional implications.
• Don't address dissenters from the podium. If some family members opposed the assisted dying decision, the eulogy is not the place to defend it, justify it, or call out their objections. That conversation belongs elsewhere.
• Don't forget the life before the illness. The most common eulogy mistake after any medicalised death — not just assisted dying — is spending too much time on the dying and not enough on the living. The illness was a chapter, not the book.

Structuring the Eulogy

A strong eulogy after an assisted death typically follows this structure:

1. Open with who they were — a story, a characteristic, something that makes the room nod or smile
2. Acknowledge the illness briefly — name it, acknowledge its impact, but don't linger
3. If acknowledging the choice: place it within the context of their character, not as an isolated medical event
4. Share 2–3 specific stories that capture them — funny, tender, or revealing
5. Close with forward motion — what they'd want for the people in the room, a final image of them at their most alive

Getting Help Writing

If you're struggling to write the eulogy while managing the rest of the post-death logistics, you're not alone. The immediate days after an assisted death involve medication disposal deadlines, death certificate paperwork, insurance notifications, and family coordination — all competing for the same depleted cognitive resources.

For a complete walkthrough of every post-death task organised by timeline, the After a Death by Euthanasia / Assisted Dying guide handles the logistics so you can focus your energy on the parts that matter most — like finding the right words.

If you need guidance on the obituary specifically, see assisted dying obituary wording — the obituary and eulogy serve different purposes and audiences.