Questions to Ask Your Doctor After a Stillbirth

Why Having a List Matters

After a stillbirth, you're expected to make decisions while your brain is running at roughly half capacity. Grief brain — the measurable cognitive impairment caused by acute trauma — makes it nearly impossible to formulate questions in real time. Doctors and funeral directors move through their protocols quickly, and the things you didn't think to ask in the hospital are often the things that matter most six months later.

Print this list or hand your phone to your support person. You don't have to ask all of them. But having them written down means you won't walk out of a meeting and realize the one question that mattered went unasked.

Questions for Your OB-GYN or Maternal-Fetal Medicine Specialist

About the cause of death:

• Do you recommend a fetal autopsy? What will it tell us that placental examination alone won't?
• If we decline a full autopsy, is a partial autopsy (external exam plus placental histopathology) an option?
• Should we request genetic testing (karyotype) on the placenta or fetal tissue? What's the collection window?
• Is a postmortem MRI available at this facility as an alternative to invasive autopsy?
• When will pathology results come back, and who will call us to discuss them?

About remains and documentation:

• What is this hospital's policy on fetal remains? Will the remains be held for us to make a decision, or is there a default disposal timeline?
• How do we request a formal fetal remains release? Is there a form we need to sign, and is there a deadline?
• Will a fetal death certificate be filed? If so, can we also request a Certificate of Birth Resulting in Stillbirth (available in most U.S. states)?
• Who handles the remains transfer to a funeral home — the hospital or us?

About your physical recovery:

• What postpartum bleeding is normal and what warrants an ER visit? Give me specific thresholds (number of pads per hour, clot size).
• Will I need to manage postpartum lactation? What are my options — suppression medication, pumping, or donation?
• When should I schedule a postpartum follow-up, and what will you check at that visit?
• Should I be screened for preeclampsia symptoms in the weeks after delivery? What signs should send me to the emergency room?
• Am I at increased risk for blood clots? Do I need prophylactic anticoagulation?

About future pregnancies:

• Based on what you know now, what is my recurrence risk?
• Is there any testing I should complete before conceiving again — thrombophilia panel, autoimmune screening, uterine evaluation?
• What's the recommended interpregnancy interval after a stillbirth?
• Will my next pregnancy be managed as high-risk? What does that monitoring look like in practice?

Questions for the Funeral Director

If you've never arranged a funeral — let alone for a baby — the process can feel completely opaque. In the United States, funeral providers covered by the FTC Funeral Rule must give you an itemized General Price List when you ask in person about funeral goods, services, or prices, and when an in-person discussion of arrangements begins. These questions help you compare options without being steered.

• What are your charges for an infant or stillborn service? Can I see the itemized price list?
• Do you offer a reduced or waived fee for infant and stillbirth services? (Many funeral homes do, but they don't always volunteer this.)
• What's the difference between a private cremation and a communal cremation, and what does each cost?
• If we want a home burial, is that legal in our state? What permits are required?
• Can you coordinate with the hospital for remains transport, or do we need to arrange that separately?
• How long can we take to make a decision? Is there a storage window before we need to commit to a disposition method?
• Do you work with any organizations that provide financial assistance for infant funeral costs (TEARS Foundation, SHARE, local burial funds)?

Questions You Don't Have to Answer Yet

Hospital staff, funeral directors, and well-meaning relatives will ask you to make decisions that feel urgent but aren't. A few that can almost always wait:

• Memorial service details. You can hold a service weeks or months later. There's no rush.
• What to do with the nursery. Nobody should touch that room without your explicit permission, no matter how long it takes you to decide.
• Whether to try again. This is a question for future-you, after your body and mind have had time to recover.

Keeping Track When Your Brain Won't Cooperate

The Grief During Pregnancy guide includes a decision log where your support person can record what was asked, what was decided, and what's still open — so you're not relying on memory that isn't working. The checklist sequences every hospital interaction so the right questions get asked before discharge, not after.