First Week After a Death Checklist with Kids

The First Week Is Triage, Not Recovery

Someone just died. You have a toddler. The world expects you to notify institutions, choose a funeral home, handle legal documents, and comfort a child whose entire sense of safety just shattered — all while acute grief is disrupting your memory, attention, and decision-making.

This checklist is organized by what genuinely cannot wait versus what feels urgent but can. The single most common mistake in the first week is trying to do everything at once. Most tasks can be deferred for days or weeks without consequence. A few cannot.

First 24 Hours

Must do:

• Arrange immediate childcare. Your toddler needs to be with someone safe and familiar while you handle the first wave. A grandparent, a close friend, the child's regular babysitter. Keep them in their home environment if possible — their own room, their own toys, their own bed.
• Tell your toddler. Use direct language: "[Person] died. That means their body stopped working. They can't come back." Avoid "went to sleep," "passed away," or "went to heaven" — toddlers take these literally and may develop fear of sleep or confusion about why the person chose to leave. Sit with them physically. Hold them. Keep the explanation short. They'll ask questions over the coming days and weeks.
• Check who has authority to secure the deceased's home if you don't live there. Well-meaning relatives sometimes enter to retrieve belongings, jewelry, or personal items before a legal inventory can be taken. A power of attorney ends at death, and the person named as executor may need probate court authority before managing estate assets. Contact the appointed representative or probate counsel before changing locks or removing property.
• Locate the will if you know where it is. Don't tear the house apart looking — just check the obvious places (home safe, filing cabinet, attorney's office).

Can wait:

• Funeral planning — funeral homes are available 24/7, but there's no deadline to contact them today
• Notifying distant relatives and acquaintances
• Financial account management
• Cleaning or organizing the deceased's space

Days 2–3

Must do:

• Contact a funeral home to arrange transport of the body if that hasn't happened. The hospital or medical examiner's office can hold the body temporarily, but you'll want to make this call within the first 48 hours.
• Notify your toddler's daycare or preschool. Tell them what happened, share the language you're using at home, and ask them to flag any upcoming activities (Mother's Day crafts, family tree projects) that could trigger the child. Request a comfort item in the classroom for your child.
• Start a simple daily routine if you haven't already. Wake time, meal times, nap, bedtime. Toddlers regulate through predictability. The routine doesn't have to be elaborate — it just has to exist.

Can wait:

• Submitting the will to probate court (the general timeline is days 14–45; check the local court's deadline)
• Insurance claims (check each policy and insurer's filing requirements)
• Canceling subscriptions and memberships
• Sorting belongings

Days 4–5

Must do:

• Request certified death certificates. Order 10 to 15 copies — financial institutions, insurance companies, and government agencies each need an original. Contact your county's vital records office or state department of health.
• Review standby or temporary guardianship options if you're now the sole parent and don't already have a plan, especially if health challenges could leave your child without care. The process is state-specific: some states allow a notarized form, while others require formal court approval. A will can nominate a permanent guardian, but the court has final authority.

Can wait:

• Opening an estate bank account
• Contacting the Social Security Administration (the general timeline recommends contact within the first 30 days; apply as soon as you can)
• Estate tax considerations
• Distributing personal belongings

Days 6–7

Must do:

• Start a behavioral regression log. Track your toddler's sleep, eating, toileting, and emotional patterns. Note changes from baseline — bedwetting after being trained, increased clinginess, refusing foods they previously ate, hitting or biting. This log becomes essential when you meet with their pediatrician in a few weeks.
• Identify one person who can be your administrative partner — someone who helps you track deadlines, holds copies of important documents, and reminds you of tasks when grief brain makes you forget.

Can wait:

• Permanent estate decisions (selling property, liquidating investments, relocating)
• Career changes
• Sorting through the deceased's personal items — there is no timeline for this

The Grief Journal Addition

Alongside the behavioral regression log for your child, keep a brief daily note for yourself. One or two lines: how you slept, one thing that was hard, one thing that went okay. This isn't therapy homework — it's a practical record that helps you notice patterns (worse on Tuesdays when you handle paperwork, better on days you got outside) and gives your future self or your counselor something concrete to work with.

You're not journaling about feelings. You're tracking data. What happened, what worked, what didn't.

What This Checklist Doesn't Cover

There's a longer administrative timeline that extends through the first month, three months, six months, and first year — probate court filings, Social Security applications, tax returns, trust management, and the cycle of re-grieving that hits at each developmental milestone your child reaches.

The Talking to Toddlers About Death toolkit includes the full timeline checklist, a behavioral regression tracker, a document inventory template, and scripts for every difficult conversation — from telling your child to requesting extensions from financial institutions.