How to Plan a Child's Funeral After an Accidental Death

Timing: The Autopsy Comes First

After an accidental death, the coroner or medical examiner determines what examination is needed before releasing your child's body to a funeral home. Lab testing can continue after release. Ask the office when the body is expected to be released.

You choose the funeral home. Once the coroner clears the release, the funeral home arranges transport directly. You do not need to make funeral arrangements in the first 24 hours — use that time to designate a family coordinator and rest.

Contact two or three funeral homes before committing. Ask specifically whether they have experience with paediatric services and whether they offer reduced rates for children.

What Child Funerals Actually Cost

The National Funeral Directors Association's 2023 median was $8,300 for a funeral with casket and burial, or $6,280 for a funeral with cremation, including an alternative cremation casket and urn. Child funerals are often less expensive than adult services because of smaller caskets and shorter service times, but the costs are still significant for a family in crisis.

Ask each funeral home directly: "Do you offer paediatric rates or a children's discount?" Some funeral homes may reduce or waive professional service fees, but do not assume a discount; ask which third-party costs, such as a casket or cemetery plot, remain.

The TEARS Foundation provides direct financial assistance for child funeral expenses through several programs: the Luca John Fund for infants from twenty weeks gestation through one year, the Charlie and Braden Project for children aged one to twelve who die from sudden or accidental causes, and Cali's Gift for children aged thirteen to twenty-two whose death was drug-related or a suicide. Check the foundation's website for current program details and applications.

State victim compensation funds may cover burial expenses if the death qualifies as a crime — for example, a DUI crash or reckless homicide. Indiana's program allows up to $5,000 for funeral costs in addition to its $15,000 maximum overall award. Illinois offers up to $27,000 for eligible expenses, with funeral and burial expenses covered up to $5,000.

Burial, Cremation, or Green Burial

Traditional burial allows a viewing and open casket, which many families find essential for the reality of saying goodbye. If an autopsy was performed, all incisions are hidden by standard clothing and positioning — an open casket is almost always possible.

Cremation is less expensive and does not require a casket purchase. You can still hold a viewing before cremation. Cremation allows more flexibility in memorialisation — scattering, keepsake urns, memorial jewellery containing a small amount of ashes.

Green burial uses a biodegradable casket or shroud, no embalming, and a natural burial ground. Availability varies by region, and not all jurisdictions allow green burial for forensic cases. Check with the funeral home.

Memorial Ideas for a Child

Child memorials that resonate tend to be personal and participatory rather than formal. Ideas that families have found meaningful:

Create a memory box at the service where guests write a favourite memory of the child on a card. Display the child's artwork, school projects, or favourite toys. Play their favourite music instead of traditional hymns.

A butterfly or dove release marks the close of the service visually and gives children in attendance a concrete moment to associate with saying goodbye.

Plant a memorial tree in the family garden or a community park. Some organisations facilitate memorial tree plantings in national forests.

Commission a custom memorial bench at the child's school, playground, or favourite park. Many municipalities have a bench donation programme.

Create a memory quilt from the child's clothing. Several nonprofits coordinate this for bereaved families.

Including Surviving Siblings

Children should be given the choice to attend, not forced either way. Explain what they will see and hear: the casket, people crying, the service. Let them ask questions.

Siblings who attend can participate at whatever level they choose — placing a drawing in the casket, lighting a candle, reading a short message. Give them an out: assign a trusted adult to sit with them and leave the room if they need to.

Siblings who choose not to attend can say goodbye in a private moment before or after the service. A visit to the funeral home before the public service, with just the immediate family, often works well.

After the Service

Keep a record of everyone who attended, sent flowers, or contributed financially. You will not remember later, and you may want to write thank-you notes or reach out when you are ready.

Save the service programme, guest book, and any cards. Place them in a folder or box where you can access them later — not in a drawer you will avoid opening.

The After an Accidental Child Death guide includes a complete funeral planning checklist, financial assistance contacts, and coordination scripts for working with the funeral home and coroner's office during the waiting period.