Military Funeral Etiquette for Civilians

You've been invited to a military funeral and you don't have a military background. The ceremony follows protocols you've never encountered — rifle fire, flag folding, scripted presentations — and the last thing you want is to do something wrong during a moment that means everything to the family. Here's what you need to know.

What to Wear

Men: Dark suit (black, navy, or charcoal), button-down shirt, tie. No jeans, no athletic shoes, no sandals. Conservative and formal is the standard — think business boardroom, not business casual.

Women: Modest, dark-colored clothing — a formal dress, a skirt-and-blouse combination, or a tailored pantsuit. Shoulders and knees should be covered. Avoid anything flashy or revealing. Wear closed-toe flats or conservative dress shoes — cemeteries involve wet grass, gravel, and uneven terrain that makes heels impractical.

Veterans attending in civilian clothes: Under the National Defense Authorization Act of 2008 and 2009, honorably discharged veterans in civilian attire are authorized to render a hand salute during Taps, the National Anthem, and when the casket is being moved. This is a legally granted right, not a breach of protocol.

Active-duty and retired military in uniform: Appropriate seasonal service dress (Class A or equivalent). Honorary pallbearers wear a 3-inch black crepe mourning badge on the sleeve — left for officers, right for enlisted.

When to Stand

Stand during these moments:

• When the casket or urn arrives and is being transferred from the hearse
• When the cemetery representative asks the gathering to rise for the rifle volley
• During the entire rifle volley and Taps sequence
• During the flag folding and presentation

Stay seated during the religious readings unless the officiating clergy asks the assembly to stand (for a prayer, hymn, or responsive reading).

What to Do with Your Hands

Civilians do not salute. This is the single most common mistake. The military hand salute is restricted to active-duty service members and honorably discharged veterans.

During Taps, the flag presentation, and the movement of the casket, civilians show respect by:

1. Standing at attention (feet together, body still)
2. Removing any civilian headgear with the right hand
3. Holding the hat over the left shoulder so the right hand rests directly over the heart
4. If not wearing a hat, simply placing the right hand over the heart

During religious portions, follow the clergy's cues — bow your head when "Let us pray" is spoken. If the chaplain removes their headgear, civilian men should remove their hats. If the chaplain stays covered (as with a rabbi wearing a yarmulke), attendees remain covered.

Seating and Photography

The front row is reserved for the primary next of kin and immediate family — this is the "pale of honor" where the flag will be presented. Take a seat in the rows behind, or stand in the designated guest area if seating is limited.

Silence your phone before entering the cemetery grounds. Photography is generally tolerated during most of the service, but no photography or video during Taps or the flag presentation. These are considered sacred moments of military mourning, and a camera click or phone held up is conspicuously inappropriate.

After the Service

If a post-funeral reception or commemorative luncheon is held, attending is appropriate and welcomed. Military families value the sharing of stories and memories. If you knew the veteran, sharing a specific memory means more than a generic condolence.

Donations to veterans' support organizations in lieu of flowers are increasingly common and always appreciated.

The Military Funeral & Honors Guide includes a printable civilian etiquette reference that families can share with guests before the service — covering everything from dress code to the exact moments when guests should stand or respond.