Pomana Memorial Meal Romanian

What the Pomana Is

The pomana is the communal memorial meal held after a Romanian Orthodox funeral or memorial service. It is not a reception, a wake dinner, or a social gathering — it is an act of charity performed in the name of the deceased. Every plate of food served, every item given away, every cup of wine poured is credited to the departed soul as spiritual alms.

This distinction matters because it changes how the meal is organized. The pomana is not about feeding the guests — it is about the guests accepting the family's offering. Refusing a pomana invitation, or refusing to eat the food, is considered a rejection of the spiritual act. Accepting the meal and eating the food is itself a prayer for the deceased.

The Meal Itself

The pomana follows the church service and is typically held at the family home, a church hall, or a restaurant. The menu varies by region, but certain elements are consistent:

• The meal begins only after the priest blesses the food and leads the initial prayer
• Coliva (sweetened boiled wheat) is served first or placed at the center of the table
• Standard dishes include ciorbă (sour soup), sarmale (stuffed cabbage rolls), bread, roasted or grilled meat, potatoes, and a dessert — typically cozonac (sweet bread) or cake
• Red wine is served, and a glass is often set at the deceased's empty seat
• If the memorial falls on a fasting day (Wednesday, Friday, or during a fasting period), the entire meal must be prepared with fasting-appropriate ingredients — no meat, no dairy, no eggs, unless the priest grants a permitted dispensation such as fish and wine. The family must check the liturgical calendar in advance

The scale of the pomana depends on the family's means and the community's expectations. A rural pomana may feed the entire village. A diaspora pomana in London or Toronto might be an intimate gathering of close family and the local Romanian community. Neither is more correct than the other — the spiritual act is in the giving, not the headcount.

Towels, Handkerchiefs, and Almsgiving Packages

This is the element that confuses diaspora families most. At the conclusion of the pomana, the family distributes pomana packages — bundles of household items given as alms. The towels and handkerchiefs are the most culturally distinctive component.

Why towels? Romanian folk tradition holds that the soul must cross spiritual "bridges" (punți) on its journey after death. Towels, rugs, and pieces of fabric serve as symbolic bridges — each one given in charity creates a crossing point for the soul. The more bridges provided, the safer the soul's passage.

How many? There is no canonical number. The practical answer depends on:

• How many people attend the pomana (each guest typically receives one)
• Regional custom — some communities expect larger towels, others small handkerchiefs
• The memorial occasion — the 40-day parastas typically involves more elaborate packages than the 9-day service
• Family means — simple white hand towels are completely acceptable

A standard pomana package can include: a towel or handkerchief, a candle, bread or a colac, cheese or another food item, fruit, sweets, and sometimes a piece of clothing, bar of soap, or small household item. These are assembled by the family before the service and distributed as guests leave.

Donation Etiquette for Guests

If you're attending a Romanian Orthodox funeral or pomana as a guest, understanding the money customs avoids awkwardness:

• Cash donations (bani de suflet — "money for the soul") are standard practice. Guests bring an envelope of cash to help the family offset funeral costs, and the money is considered an offering on behalf of the deceased's soul
• There is no fixed amount. The donation should reflect your closeness to the deceased and your means. In the diaspora, an equivalent amount in local currency is appropriate
• The envelope is handed directly to a designated family member, usually near the entrance of the pomana venue. It is not placed on the coffin, not waved around, and not mentioned publicly
• Do not bring flowers or food to a pomana unless you've coordinated with the family. The memorial meal and offerings are the family's spiritual responsibility; unsolicited dishes can create logistical and theological complications
• Flowers are appropriate at the funeral itself. Romanian tradition uses even numbers for funerals and odd numbers for the living — bring an even number of stems, preferably in muted colors

Regional Variations

The pomana customs shift significantly across Romania's regions:

Transylvania: Generally more restrained. The meal is simpler, the packages smaller, and the overall tone quieter. Community support focuses on practical help (cleaning, cooking) rather than elaborate gift distribution.

Moldova and Bucovina: The most elaborate pomana traditions. The ciurul — a wooden basin filled with nuts, candies, and bread on a plum branch — may be carried in the funeral procession. Packages are larger and more numerous.

Oltenia and Muntenia: The joc de pomană (memorial dance) may be performed as alms to release the soul from mourning. This is a folk tradition the Church does not endorse but generally tolerates when performed outside the church grounds.

The Eastern Orthodox Funeral — Romanian guide includes a pomana planning worksheet with portion estimates, a parastas package assembly checklist, and regional menus covering both regular and fasting-day meals.