Questions to Ask Your Pastor About a Funeral

The pastor just called to schedule a planning meeting for tomorrow morning. You have thirty minutes to sit across from someone who does this regularly, and you have never done it before. Walking in with a prepared list of questions turns a potentially overwhelming conversation into a productive one.

Scheduling and Logistics

Start here. These details must be confirmed before anything else — including the obituary — can be finalized.

• What dates and times is the sanctuary available this week?
• Are you available to officiate on those dates, or will another pastor lead the service?
• Can the church host a reception in the fellowship hall afterward? Is there a fee?
• Does the church have AV equipment for a slideshow or livestream? Who operates it?
• What time should the family arrive on the day of the service?
• What is the church's policy on photography and recording during the service?

The Service Itself

These questions shape the liturgy. The pastor will have strong guidance on most of them, but your input matters.

• What is the standard order of service at this church?
• How many scripture readings are typical, and can we choose specific passages?
• Can a family member or friend serve as a lay reader?
• Is a personal remembrance or brief eulogy permitted? If so, how many speakers and how long?
• Will you be preaching a homily? Do you want biographical details or stories from us to include?
• Will the Apostles' Creed or another affirmation of faith be part of the service?

Music

Music decisions are the most common source of friction. Get clarity early.

• What hymns do you recommend for this service?
• Can the family suggest specific hymns? Do they need to come from the church hymnal?
• Is secular music allowed in the sanctuary, or should we save that for the reception?
• Who is the church organist or music director, and how do we contact them?
• Can we bring in an outside musician (a soloist, a string quartet)? Does that need your approval?
• What are the musician fees, and who do we pay them to?

Communion

Not every funeral includes communion, and the policies differ by denomination.

• Will communion be offered at this service?
• Who is invited to receive? (Important for interfaith guests who may be unsure)
• Will you make a verbal announcement explaining who can participate?

The Casket, Urn, and Pall

These practical questions affect what the funeral home needs to prepare.

• Does the church use a funeral pall? Will it cover the casket or urn?
• Should the casket be closed before entering the sanctuary, or can there be a viewing beforehand?
• Where will the casket or urn be positioned — near the altar, the baptismal font, or elsewhere?
• Are floral arrangements allowed in the sanctuary, or should they stay in the narthex?

Fees and Honoraria

Churches rarely publish these numbers online, so asking directly is expected and not awkward.

• Is there a sanctuary-use fee? (Many churches waive it for active members; ask what applies to non-members.)
• What is the standard honorarium for the officiating pastor?
• Are there separate fees for the organist, sexton, or other church staff?
• Does the church handle these payments, or does the family pay each person individually?
• If we cannot afford the standard amounts, is there flexibility or a benevolence fund available?

After the Service

• Will you officiate the graveside committal as well?
• Is there a separate travel fee or honorarium for the committal?
• Does the church maintain a columbarium or memorial garden?
• Can the church help us organize volunteers for the reception food?
• Is there a church grief support group or Stephen Ministry program we should know about?

Printing this list and bringing it to the meeting means you leave with answers instead of more questions. For denomination-specific versions of this checklist — tailored to Episcopal, Lutheran, Methodist, Presbyterian, and UCC traditions — the Protestant Mainline Funeral Guide includes a complete planning meeting worksheet.