Questions to Ask Your Orthodox Priest About a Funeral

The first meeting with the parish priest after a loved one dies sets the course for the entire funeral process. Many families go into that conversation anxious about asking the wrong things or appearing ignorant. The reality is that priests expect these questions — they have had this conversation hundreds of times — and a well-organized family makes the priest's job easier.

Here is the checklist, organized in the order you will need the answers.

Eligibility and Canonical Standing

These questions need to be resolved first, because the answers determine what kind of service is possible:

• Was the deceased a baptized and chrismated Orthodox Christian in canonical good standing? If the deceased was baptized in another Christian tradition, the priest may need to verify whether they were received into the Orthodox Church through chrismation.
• Was the deceased a registered member of this parish? Registration status can affect the parish facility fee.
• Did the deceased receive Communion regularly? Non-communicant parishioners are subject to different canonical rules for burial (the service may need to take place outside the church).
• Are there any complicating circumstances? This is where the family discloses, honestly, anything the priest needs to know: suicide, a cremation request in the will, Freemasonry membership, or an estranged relationship with the Church. The priest needs the full picture to advise correctly — and in some cases, to petition the bishop.

Scheduling

• What are the first permissible dates for the funeral? The priest checks the liturgical calendar for conflicts with Sundays, feast days, and restricted periods.
• Is the Divine Liturgy available on the proposed date? During Great Lent weekdays, the full Liturgy is not celebrated, which changes the funeral format.
• What time should the funeral begin? The priest's availability, the church's schedule, and the cemetery's receiving hours all factor in.
• Can we hold the evening Trisagion at the church or should it be at the funeral home? Some parishes prefer the wake to be held in the church itself; others are comfortable with the funeral home.

Logistics and Coordination

• Will you coordinate directly with the funeral director, or should we relay your requirements? Some priests prefer to speak with the funeral home directly. Others provide the family with a written list of requirements.
• Do you need us to arrange a chanter/cantor, or will the parish provide one? The availability of a chanter can affect the quality and completeness of the service.
• Is the church hall available for the mercy meal? Ask about capacity, kitchen access, and any restrictions on outside catering.
• Should we coordinate with the Philoptochos or parish hospitality committee for the meal? In many parishes, the ladies' guild manages funeral meals. The family may need to contact them separately.
• Are there parish members who can read the Psalter overnight? If the family wants to observe the traditional vigil, the priest can connect them with volunteers.

Fees and Honorariums

These questions are practical and appropriate — the priest expects them:

• Is there a parish facility fee? Typical range is $250 to $500. It is often waived or reduced for active, tithing members.
• What is the customary honorarium for the priest? Typical range is $100 to $300. This covers the priest's time for the Trisagion, funeral service, and graveside committal.
• What is the customary fee for the chanter? Typically $50 to $100. Chanters often take time off from secular employment to perform the service.
• Are there separate fees for altar servers or an organist? Small tips ($10 to $50 each) in discreet envelopes are customary.

Present these payments in plain, sealed envelopes — one per recipient — and hand them to the priest or the church secretary after the funeral, not during the service.

Special Circumstances

• Can a non-Orthodox spouse or relative be buried from the church? The answer involves the bishop, and the priest will need to begin the inquiry process.
• The deceased requested cremation in their will — what are our options? The priest can explain the limited pastoral consolation available outside the formal funeral service.
• Can family members or friends deliver personal eulogies? The answer is no — inside the church — but the priest will confirm that the mercy meal is the appropriate venue.
• Are there restrictions on photography? Photography is prohibited inside the sanctuary during the service. The family can arrange for photos at the funeral home or graveside if desired.

Koliva and Memorial Planning

• Who typically prepares the koliva for our parish? Some parishes have experienced parishioners who prepare koliva regularly. Others expect the family to handle it.
• When should we bring the koliva to the church? Usually the morning of the memorial service, before the Liturgy begins.
• What are the dates for the 3rd, 9th, and 40th day memorials? The priest will help calculate, especially if dates conflict with the liturgical calendar.

For a printable clergy consultation checklist, funeral home coordination scripts, and complete memorial day scheduling worksheets, the Eastern Orthodox Funeral Guide provides all the tools families need for these early planning conversations.