Questions to Ask a Tewahedo Priest About the Funeral: Fitihat, Chanting, and Pastoral Guidance

When someone in the family dies, the designated family elder or cultural mediator is traditionally contacted first; the next spiritual call goes to the Yenese Abat (Father Confessor) — but what do you actually say? For second-generation diaspora families who attended church growing up but never had to coordinate a funeral themselves, the conversation with the priest can feel paralyzing. You know the priest's role is central to everything that happens next, but you may not know what to ask.

This is not about ignorance. It is about the fact that the gap between observing a tradition as a child and executing it as the responsible adult is enormous, and most families cross that gap for the first time while in shock.

Before the Fitihat: Foundational Questions

These questions should be asked in the first phone call to the priest, ideally within hours of the death.

"Was our family member in good standing with the church?" The Yenese Abat validates the deceased's spiritual standing. Without this confirmation, the Fitihat absolution service cannot proceed. If the deceased did not maintain an active relationship with a Father Confessor, this is the moment to establish the pastoral pathway. The priest may need to consult with the bishop before authorizing the full funeral rites.

"When can the Fitihat be scheduled?" The priest controls the liturgical calendar. He needs to confirm that the proposed date does not fall on a Sunday, Holy Friday, or a major feast day — all of which are prohibited for burials. He also needs to coordinate his own availability and that of the deacons and debtarawoch (liturgical singers) who participate in the service.

"Can the Fitihat be held at our funeral home chapel, or must it be in the church?" In the diaspora, many families use secular funeral homes. The Fitihat is ideally performed in a consecrated church sanctuary, but with the bishop's permission or the priest's pastoral judgment, it can sometimes be conducted in a funeral chapel. The priest needs to make this decision — not the funeral home.

"Will debtarawoch be available for the Ezel chanting?" The debtarawoch are unordained liturgical specialists who perform portions of the sacred Ge'ez music. Not every parish has resident debtarawoch, especially in smaller diaspora communities. If they are not available locally, the priest may need to coordinate with a neighboring parish — and this takes time that should not be left to the last day.

About the Service Itself

Once the Fitihat is scheduled, these questions clarify the specifics of the liturgical service.

"Which Anaphora will be used?" The Fitihat is nested within the Qidase (Divine Liturgy), which includes one of fourteen canonical Anaphoras. The most common choices for funerals are the Anaphora of the Apostles or the Anaphora of Our Lady Mary. The priest selects the Anaphora based on the liturgical season, but if the family has a preference, this is the time to ask.

"What items should we bring to the church?" The family typically provides the processional cross, the mateb (baptismal cord) if one is not already on the deceased, the white savano shroud, and sometimes the consecrated incense. Ask the priest exactly what he expects the family to supply versus what the church will provide.

"How long will the service last?" Families need to communicate the service length to the funeral home and cemetery. A full Fitihat with Psalter readings and Zema chanting can run several hours. Knowing the expected duration prevents conflicts with funeral home scheduling blocks or cemetery operating hours.

About Memorials and Ongoing Obligations

The funeral is only the beginning. Tewahedo bereavement involves a structured series of memorial milestones anchored to the date of death.

"When are the memorial days, and what does each one require?" The 3rd day, 7th day, 12th day, 40th day (Arba/Teskar), 80th day, and first anniversary (Amet) each carry specific liturgical requirements. The 3rd day involves the Tselote Fethat prayer and distribution of Nifro (boiled wheat). The 40th day — the most important milestone — requires a major Fitihat mass and a communal feast. Ask the priest what he expects for each, so the family can plan the catering, church reservations, and invitations in advance.

"Should we prepare Nifro, and if so, how much?" Nifro (boiled wheat kernels mixed with peas or chickpeas) is a liturgical offering distributed at the 3rd-day memorial and at graveside services. The wheat symbolizes the death and resurrection of the body. The priest can advise on the quantity needed based on the expected attendance.

When Elder Counseling Matters

Beyond the priest, traditional community elders (Shimagelle) play a distinct role during the mourning period. They are not clergy, but they carry significant social authority in the Ethiopian community.

Families turn to elders when:

• Family disputes threaten to disrupt the funeral. Inheritance disagreements, estranged relatives, or conflicts about burial location can surface during bereavement. Elders serve as mediators who can negotiate private resolutions before the conflict becomes public.
• Regional or tribal customs diverge from standard church practice. Ethiopian Orthodox traditions vary between Amhara, Tigray, and other regional communities. An elder from the family's specific region can advise on ancestral customs that run parallel to — but do not contradict — church doctrine.
• The family needs a cultural mediator with the funeral home or hospital. Elders who have lived in the diaspora for decades often have experience working with Western institutions and can bridge the communication gap between the family and secular service providers.

If the family does not have a relationship with a specific elder, the Iddir (burial society) leadership can connect them with someone appropriate.

Our Tewahedo funeral planning guide includes a priest coordination checklist with these questions formatted for a first phone call, plus a memorial milestone calendar that maps out every obligation from the 3rd day to the first anniversary.