Romanian Orthodox Funeral Etiquette and Taboos

You've never been to a Romanian Orthodox funeral and you're terrified of making a mistake that everyone notices. That fear is well-placed — Romanian funerary etiquette is specific, and some of the things that feel natural in Western funeral settings are actively offensive in an Orthodox context. But the rules are learnable, and knowing them in advance is the difference between respectful presence and embarrassing missteps.

Photography and Videography

Photography during the church service is strongly discouraged or outright banned in most Romanian Orthodox parishes. The funeral liturgy is a sacred act of prayer, not a social event, and the sound and flash of cameras disrupts the solemnity that mourners and clergy depend on.

During the priveghi (wake vigil), photography norms vary by family — some allow quiet photographs of the open casket and floral arrangements as a record of the ceremony; others consider it deeply disrespectful. Never photograph the deceased without explicit permission from the immediate family.

Outside the church, during the funeral procession or at the graveside, photography is sometimes permitted but only with the priest's explicit prior approval. The safest approach: leave your phone in your pocket during the entire church service and ask the family or event coordinator before taking any photos at any point.

Video recording follows the same rules, amplified. The continuous presence of a camera operator during the prohodul (funeral liturgy) is considered invasive. If the family wants a video record, they'll have arranged it in advance with the priest's blessing.

Standing, Sitting, and Movement

Standing is the default posture during Orthodox services. Pews or chairs, if present, are reserved for the elderly, disabled, or the immediate grieving family. If you're a guest, expect to stand for most of the service; ask the priest or funeral director how long it is expected to last.

Movement during the service should be minimal. Don't walk around, check your phone, or leave and re-enter the church mid-prayer. If you need to step out, do so quietly between prayer segments, not during active chanting.

Non-Orthodox guests typically stand toward the back or side aisles of the church. You're welcome to be present, but you should not approach the altar area, cross yourself (unless you're Orthodox), or receive communion. You can bow your head during prayers as a sign of respect.

The Last Kiss and Casket Conduct

At the conclusion of the church service, attendees are invited to approach the open casket for the Sărutarea cea mai de pe urmă — the Last Kiss. This is one of the most emotionally charged moments of the funeral, and the protocol matters.

The proper sequence: approach the casket, make the sign of the cross (right to left in the Orthodox manner, if you're Orthodox), bow, and kiss the icon lying on the chest of the deceased, or kiss the forehead or hand. If you're uncomfortable kissing the body directly, kissing the cross on the casket or the icon placed on the deceased's chest is perfectly acceptable.

What never to do at the casket: don't touch the deceased's clothing, rearrange flowers, or lean over the body for an extended period. Don't place objects in the casket unless the family has specifically asked you to. The placing of coins in the casket is a folk superstition that the Church actively discourages.

Verbal Etiquette

Secular greetings are strictly forbidden in the presence of the deceased or inside the house of mourning. Don't say "Bună ziua" (Good day) or "La revedere" (Goodbye). Instead, use the prescribed liturgical phrases:

When greeting the family: "Dumnezeu să-l ierte" (May God forgive him) or "Dumnezeu s-o ierte" (for a woman).

When receiving pomana food packages: "Dumnezeu să primească!" (May God accept the offering) or "Bogdaproste!" — never "Mulțumesc" (Thank you).

If you're a non-Romanian speaker, learning these two or three phrases before the funeral shows genuine respect and will be deeply appreciated by the family.

Things That Are Taboo

Beyond the rules above, several specific actions are considered taboo at Romanian Orthodox funerals:

• Wearing bright colors or revealing clothing. Black or dark muted tones only. Women should cover their heads with a dark headscarf if the funeral is in a conservative or rural parish.
• Competitive displays of wealth. Overly expensive caskets, extravagant wreaths, or showy donations are discouraged by the Church as material pride.
• Excessive alcohol consumption. Țuică and wine are served at the pomana, but getting drunk is considered a sin — for both the drinker and the host who allowed it.
• Bringing an odd number of flowers. Even numbers only for funerals; odd numbers are for the living.
• Placing money on the icon of the deceased. The Church considers this a non-canonical pagan distortion.
• Loud wailing inside the church. While grief is natural, uncontrolled loud crying during the liturgy is discouraged because it can disrupt the service. Traditional laments (bocete) are tolerated outside the church doors; ask the priest about local practice.

For Non-Orthodox Guests

If you're attending a Romanian Orthodox funeral and you're not Orthodox yourself, the family invited you because your presence matters to them — not because they expect you to be an expert in Orthodox liturgy. Stand respectfully, bow your head during prayers, approach the casket for the Last Kiss if you're comfortable doing so (kissing the icon rather than the body is fine), and use the correct verbal greetings.

The Eastern Orthodox Funeral — Romanian guide includes a guest etiquette card with pronunciation guides for the key phrases, dress code details by gender, and a step-by-step walkthrough of what happens at each stage of the funeral — specifically written for attendees who've never been to an Orthodox service before.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can you take photos at a Romanian Orthodox funeral? Photography during the church service is strongly discouraged or banned. Outside during the procession or at the graveside, it may be permitted with the priest's explicit prior approval. Always ask the family before photographing anything.

Do you sit or stand at a Romanian Orthodox funeral? Standing is the default posture throughout the service. Seats, if available, are reserved for the elderly, disabled, or immediate family. Guests should expect to stand for most of the service.

What should a non-Orthodox guest do at the casket? Approach respectfully, bow, and kiss the icon on the deceased's chest or the cross on the casket. You don't need to make the sign of the cross if you're not Orthodox. The gesture of approaching and bowing is what matters.