What Is Shloshim

Shloshim Is the Second Stage of Mourning

Shloshim — from the Hebrew word for "thirty" — is the 30-day mourning period counted from the day of burial. It includes the seven days of shiva, so shloshim is not a separate 30-day stretch that begins after shiva ends. Shiva covers days 1 through 7; shloshim covers the full span from day 1 through day 30.

During shiva, mourners withdraw almost entirely from the world — sitting on low chairs, not working, not bathing for pleasure, receiving visitors at home. Shloshim is the structured re-entry. The intensity of mourning decreases, but it does not disappear.

What Changes After Shiva Ends

On the morning of the seventh day, the mourners rise from shiva. They take a short walk outside — often around the block — symbolizing their return to the public world. From this point through day 30, they resume daily life with specific limitations:

They return to work. This is the most visible change. The mourner goes back to their job and handles necessary business.

They attend synagogue for daily services and continue to recite the Mourners Kaddish at each service. For those mourning a parent, this Kaddish obligation extends for eleven months. For a spouse, sibling, or child, it ends at day 30.

They do not attend celebrations. Weddings, parties, concerts, and festive public gatherings are off-limits. If a close family member's wedding falls during shloshim, halakhic authorities are consulted — the solution usually involves the mourner attending the ceremony but leaving before the music and dancing.

They do not listen to music. Live instrumental music is prohibited. Recorded music is debated among authorities — some permit it for mood management, others prohibit it. The strictest interpretation avoids all music during the 30 days.

They do not cut their hair or shave. Grooming restrictions that began during shiva continue through shloshim. For men mourning a parent, this extends well into the longer mourning period — they do not shave or get a haircut until friends or colleagues tell them their appearance has become noticeably unkempt (the halakhic standard is she'yig'aru bo chaverau, "until his friends rebuke him").

They do not wear new or freshly laundered clothing during the initial days after shiva. This restriction loosens gradually through the 30-day period.

Shloshim for a Parent vs. Other Relatives

Jewish mourning distinguishes sharply between mourning a parent and mourning a spouse, sibling, or child.

For a spouse, sibling, or child, shloshim is the final formal mourning period. Day 30 ends the structured obligations. The mourner may attend celebrations, listen to music, and resume normal grooming. The anniversary of death (yahrzeit) brings a brief annual return to mourning practices.

For a parent, shloshim is only the midpoint. Mourning continues for a full twelve months from the date of death — though the Kaddish is recited for only eleven of those months. During the twelve-month period, the mourner continues to avoid celebrations, live music, and new clothing. The restrictions are less intense than during shloshim, but they shape daily life for the better part of a year.

This asymmetry exists because the Torah's commandment to "honor your father and mother" extends beyond death. The twelve-month period reflects the depth of that obligation.

How Shloshim Ends

On the thirtieth day, the mourner marks the transition quietly. There is no formal ceremony equivalent to rising from shiva. Some families visit the grave. Some hold a small gathering with a Torah study session dedicated to the deceased's memory. Many communities organize a siyum — the completion of a tractate of Talmud or Mishnah studied in the deceased's merit over the 30 days.

For those mourning someone other than a parent, this is the moment when all formal mourning restrictions lift. They can return to weddings, concerts, and social life.

The Headstone Unveiling

One related milestone: the headstone (matzevah) is typically set and unveiled sometime between shloshim and the first yahrzeit — most commonly around the 11-month mark. The unveiling ceremony is a brief graveside gathering where the headstone is revealed, Psalms are read, and El Malei Rachamim is recited.

The unveiling is not part of shloshim itself, but families often begin planning it during this period.

What Friends and Community Should Know

If someone you know is in their shloshim, the most practical thing you can do is keep showing up. Shiva gets the most attention — the house is full of visitors, the meal schedule is organized, the minyan shows up. After day seven, the community often recedes just when the mourner returns to the world feeling most disoriented.

Check in during weeks two through four. Invite them for low-key, non-celebratory meals. Help ensure the daily minyan at synagogue. Do not invite them to events that would violate shloshim restrictions and put them in the position of having to explain their absence.

The Jewish Orthodox Funeral & Shiva Guide covers every mourning period in detail — from the aninut hours before burial through shiva, shloshim, the twelve-month period, and the annual yahrzeit — with clear guidance on what is expected at each stage.