In Lieu of Flowers Wording: Examples for Obituaries, Cards, and Emails

Why the Wording Matters

"In lieu of flowers" is one of the most commonly searched phrases after a death — and one of the hardest to get right. The family needs to communicate their preference without sounding demanding, while giving clear enough instructions that people actually follow through.

Get the wording vague and half the guests send flowers anyway. Get it too blunt and it feels transactional. The balance is a clear, warm statement that tells people exactly what to do.

Obituary Wording Examples

Directing to a Specific Charity

In lieu of flowers, the family requests that donations be made to the American Heart Association at heart.org in memory of [Name].

Memorial contributions may be made to [Charity Name] at [URL or mailing address]. The family kindly asks that floral tributes be directed as donations to this cause, which was dear to [Name]'s heart.

Directing to a Memorial Fund

In place of flowers, contributions to the [Name] Memorial Fund may be made at [GoFundMe/Ever Loved URL] to help the family with immediate expenses.

The family welcomes donations to the [Name] Memorial Scholarship Fund at [URL]. In lieu of floral arrangements, your generous contributions will support [cause/students/organization] in [Name]'s memory.

When the Family Wants Both Flowers and Donations

Flowers and memorial donations are equally welcome. Those wishing to make a contribution in [Name]'s memory may donate to [Charity] at [URL].

The family welcomes both floral tributes and memorial gifts. Donations may be directed to [Organization] at [address/URL].

When the Family Prefers No Flowers at All

The family respectfully requests no flowers. Those wishing to honor [Name]'s memory are invited to make a donation to [Charity] or to spend time with someone they love.

Per [Name]'s wishes, the family asks that no flowers be sent. Memorial contributions to [Organization] at [URL] are appreciated, or simply share a favorite memory of [Name] with the family.

When There's No Specific Charity

In lieu of flowers, the family suggests a donation to a charity of your choice, or a random act of kindness in [Name]'s memory.

Rather than flowers, the family asks that you consider volunteering your time or making a donation to any cause that matters to you.

Funeral Program Wording

Funeral programs usually include a shorter version:

Memorial donations: [Charity Name], [URL] The family kindly requests donations in lieu of flowers.

Or simply:

In lieu of flowers, please consider a gift to [Charity] at [URL].

Keep it to one or two lines. The full obituary carries the detailed version.

Email and Social Media Wording

When you need to tell people informally — through a group email, a family text chain, or a social media post:

We know many of you have asked about sending flowers for [Name]'s service. The family has asked that instead of floral arrangements, friends and family consider making a donation to [Charity/Fund] at [URL]. This was a cause very close to [Name], and your support means the world.

Quick note about [Name]'s service on [date]: the family has requested donations to [Organization] in place of flowers. Here's the link: [URL]. Thank you all for your love and support.

Thank-You Notes for Donations Received

After the service, the family sends acknowledgments. Here's wording that works:

Dear [Name], thank you for your generous donation to [Charity/Fund] in memory of [Deceased]. Your thoughtfulness during this difficult time means more than we can express. [Deceased] would have been deeply moved by your support for [cause].

Thank you for honoring [Deceased]'s memory with your contribution to [Organization]. We are grateful for your kindness and for the way you've chosen to celebrate [their] life.

Common Questions

What if people send flowers anyway? Accept them graciously. Some people feel strongly about sending flowers regardless of the obituary request, and that's okay. You can always donate the arrangements to a hospital or nursing home after the service.

Do we need to name a specific charity? You don't have to, but it dramatically increases the number of people who actually donate. When the obituary says "a charity of your choice," most people default to doing nothing because the decision is too open-ended. Naming one or two specific organizations removes that friction.

Can we include a donation link in the obituary? Yes, and you should. Most online obituary platforms (Legacy.com, newspaper websites) allow clickable links. Print obituaries can include a shortened URL. The easier you make it, the more people follow through.

The Flowers, Donations & Memorial Contributions Guide includes In Lieu of Flowers Wording Templates, Donor Acknowledgment Letter Templates, and communication scripts for every stage of the process — from the initial obituary to the final thank-you notes.