Lakota Funeral Taboos: What to Avoid at a Wake, Burial, and Mourning Gathering

Lakota funeral customs carry real spiritual weight. The family believes that what happens during the four days after death directly shapes the departed soul's journey — and that a serious breach of protocol can harm both the living and the dead. These are not social preferences that can be bent for convenience. They are spiritual laws that the community takes seriously.

If you are attending or helping organize a Lakota funeral, these are the taboos you must know.

Alcohol and Substance Use

This is the most absolute prohibition. From the moment of death through the end of the four-day post-burial isolation, no member of the family or any attendee should consume alcohol or drugs. Traditional teaching holds that intoxication during this period can permanently derail the spirit's journey along the Milky Way and embed a cycle of addiction into the family's spiritual fabric.

This prohibition extends to the entire wake venue and the surrounding area. If you are attending and have been drinking, do not come inside. If you notice someone at the wake who is intoxicated, the family spokesperson or a designated helper should quietly ask them to leave. This is not harsh — it is protective. The spiritual environment around the body must remain clean.

Family Disputes and Conflict

Arguments over the deceased's belongings, tribal burial funds, custody of the body, or any other matter are considered a severe desecration. Anger and conflict generate negative energy that can confuse and distress the departing spirit. Elders teach that whatever emotional pattern the family establishes during the four-day window after death will repeat throughout their lives — if the period is marked by fighting, the family may carry that conflict permanently.

If disputes arise (and grief makes them likely), the family spokesperson should resolve them privately, away from the body and the wake venue. The presence of the deceased demands domestic peace.

Photography, Audio, and Video Recording

Taking photographs, filming, or recording audio at a Lakota funeral is strictly prohibited without explicit permission from the family. This applies to all phases: the wake, the burial, the gravesite, and any associated ceremonies. Camera phones should be put away entirely, not just silenced.

Sacred ceremonies — pipe rites, smudging, honoring songs — are categorically off-limits for recording. These are not performances. They are private spiritual acts between the community and the Creator. Recording them is experienced as a form of spiritual theft.

If you need a photograph for an obituary or memorial, ask the family spokesperson privately and well in advance. Some families permit a single, respectful photograph of the casket display. Many do not.

Cultural Appropriation by Non-Native Attendees

Non-Native attendees are welcome at most Lakota funerals, but they must remain in a supporting, observational role. The most serious violations:

• Do not burn sage, light tobacco, or initiate any prayer on your own. If the smudge is passed to you, draw the smoke toward yourself. If it is not offered, sit still.
• Do not touch sacred objects. The pipe (čanúpa), drum, eagle feathers, and soul bundle are handled only by designated spiritual leaders or family members.
• Do not speak in pseudo-traditional language or use romanticized stereotypes ("going to the happy hunting ground," etc.). This is deeply offensive.
• Do not wear Native-style regalia unless it is authentically yours and you have standing in the community to wear it.

The appropriate posture for a non-Native guest: dress conservatively in dark, muted colors, sit where directed, stand when the community stands, eat when invited, speak softly, and offer quiet condolences.

Artificial Scents

Perfumes, colognes, scented lotions, and strongly scented hair products must be completely avoided. The sacred smoke from sage, sweetgrass, and cedar performs spiritual purification, and artificial scents are believed to interfere with its function. Families may state this expectation explicitly before a wake.

Distributing Low-Quality Gifts at the Giveaway

During the giveaway (Wihpeyapi), the family distributes star quilts, blankets, shawls, and other items to honor helpers and the community. Gifts should be functional and in good condition. Do not distribute torn, broken, or non-functional items; doing so dishonors the deceased and embarrasses the family. If you are helping a family prepare for the giveaway, inspect every item before the ceremony.

Leaving the Body Unattended

During the multi-night wake, the body must never be left alone. Family members sit in continuous shifts, praying, burning sage, and keeping the spirit company throughout the night. Walking away and leaving the casket empty of watchers — even for a few minutes at 3 a.m. — is a serious failure. Organize a vigil schedule in advance, with enough people to cover every hour.

Breaking the Four-Day Isolation

After the burial, the immediate family enters a strict four-day home isolation. They do not go to work, check the mail, run errands, or engage in social activity. Extended relatives handle all domestic tasks on their behalf. Breaking this isolation — leaving the house to shop or returning to work early — is believed to disrupt the spiritual pattern being established during this critical window.

For a complete guide to Lakota funeral protocol that helps families and attendees navigate every stage without missteps, the Lakota / Sioux Funeral Guide provides detailed checklists and etiquette guidance for the entire mourning cycle.