Lakota Funeral Traditions: The Three-Day Wake, Star Quilts, and Wiping of Tears

When a Lakota person dies, the community doesn't scatter. It gathers — immediately, and it stays gathered for days. The Lakota funeral is one of the most communal and spiritually intensive funerary traditions practiced on the Northern Plains, built around the belief that grief is a holy state and the deceased's soul needs time, prayer, and continuous companionship before it can safely travel to Wakan Tanka (the Great Spirit).

The Three-Day Wake

The Lakota wake is not a brief evening visitation. It's a continuous, around-the-clock vigil lasting roughly three days and nights, held in the family's home, a community hall, or a traditional tipi.

The body rests in an open casket. Behind the casket, a star quilt is hung — a sacred textile that functions as both a ceremonial centerpiece and a spiritual gift. The remains are never left unattended. Family members, friends, and community members rotate through the space, keeping watch, praying, and sharing meals together.

During the wake, sweetgrass, sage, and cedar are burned to purify the space. The Sacred Pipe (Cannunpa), decorated with eagle feathers and buffalo carvings, may be smoked to send prayers to the four directions. Drumming and traditional songs provide spiritual support — the drum is understood as the heartbeat of the earth itself.

Guests bring food to sustain the family and fellow mourners through the vigil. A spirit plate containing the deceased's favorite foods is prepared and set aside, nourishing the soul during its transition.

Earth Burial and the Return to Grandmother Earth

Lakota tradition strongly favors earth burial. The body returns to Unci Maka (Grandmother Earth), completing the physical life cycle. Cremation is generally avoided — the Lakota view it as interrupting the soul's ability to travel the Spirit Path, which they identify with the Milky Way.

The burial follows the roughly three-day wake. Pallbearers carry the casket, and the community processes to the gravesite. Sacred medicines — tobacco, sweetgrass, sage, and cedar — are placed in the coffin alongside personal items that will accompany the spirit on its journey.

The Star Quilt

The star quilt holds deep significance in Lakota and broader Northern Plains culture. Often called the "star blanket," it features an eight-pointed star pattern that represents the Morning Star — a guide for the deceased's journey to the spirit world.

Star quilts are draped over the casket during the wake and burial. They're also given away to those who helped with the funeral — pallbearers, cooks, gravediggers, and others who served the family. Receiving a star quilt is an honor, and giving them away is an act of generosity that demonstrates the family's gratitude and their willingness to release material attachments.

Families often commission multiple star quilts in advance of the funeral, working with tribal quilt guilds or individual artisans. It's common to need a dozen or more for a large funeral.

Keeping of the Soul (Wanáǧi Yuhápi)

The most distinctive Lakota mourning practice is the Keeping of the Soul ceremony, one of the Seven Sacred Rites of the Lakota.

After the burial, a lock of the deceased's hair is cut, purified over sweetgrass smoke, and wrapped in a buckskin soul bundle. This bundle is placed in a sacred location within the home and tended for approximately one year by a designated Soul Keeper — typically a close family member.

The Soul Keeper commits to living in absolute harmony during this period. They must avoid conflict, practice generosity, and maintain a spiritual focus that honors the deceased's memory. The soul bundle stays in the home, treated as if the deceased is still present.

The Wiping of Tears

At the end of the year-long keeping period, the community gathers for a commemorative feast and giveaway ceremony. This is the formal soul release — the moment when the soul bundle is unwrapped and the spirit is freed to travel the Spirit Path to join the ancestors.

The "Wiping of Tears" ceremony marks the family's transition from active mourning back into full community life. Grief is acknowledged as holy and necessary — it's not something to "get over" quickly. The Lakota framework gives mourning a full year of structured, supported expression before the formal release.

During the giveaway, the deceased's possessions — star quilts, blankets, beadwork, clothing, and other personal items — are distributed to community members. This distribution is both practical (supporting those in need) and spiritual (releasing the family's attachment to the material world).

What Non-Lakota Guests Should Know

If you're attending a Lakota funeral as a non-tribal guest, dress modestly in dark or muted colors. Remove your hat in ceremonial spaces. Offer condolences quietly — a gentle handshake or simple nod is appropriate. Don't take photographs or record audio unless the family explicitly invites it.

Seating often prioritizes elders and close family. Don't take front-row seats. Don't join in songs or drumming unless you're invited to participate. And don't ask to touch or handle the Sacred Pipe or any ceremonial objects.

The family may be managing the hospitality logistics largely on their own, especially in urban settings where traditional clan reciprocity structures aren't available. Bringing food is almost always welcome and appreciated.

For a complete guide to Lakota and other tribal funeral traditions — including the full timeline from death through the one-year memorial, financial assistance programs, and family coordination checklists — see our Native American Funeral — General Guide.