Obituary Writing Guide: How to Write One That Actually Sounds Like Them

Nobody teaches you how to write an obituary. Then someone dies and you have 24 to 48 hours to produce a public summary of their entire life while you can barely think straight. The result is often a generic template that could describe anyone — and that is not what the person deserved.

Here is how to write one that actually sounds like them.

The Core Structure

Every obituary, regardless of length, covers the same six elements in roughly this order:

1. Full name and age — Include their given name, maiden name if applicable, and the name people actually called them. "Margaret 'Peggy' Ann Walsh, 74" tells you more than "Margaret Walsh."

2. Date and place of death — Keep this factual. You can include the cause of death or not — that is the family's decision. "Died peacefully at home" and "died unexpectedly" are both common without being specific.

3. Biographical summary — Where they were born, where they grew up, and the broad arc of their life. Education, career, and military service go here. This is the section most people over-fill with dates and under-fill with personality.

4. What made them who they were — This is the section that matters most and gets the least attention. Not what they did, but how they did it. Did they fix every neighbor's lawnmower? Did they argue with the TV during every football game? Did they keep a garden that was the envy of the block? Specific details make an obituary feel real.

5. Surviving and predeceased family — List the surviving spouse, children, grandchildren, and siblings by name. For predeceased family, "preceded in death by" is the standard phrasing.

6. Service details and memorial information — Date, time, and location of the funeral, memorial service, or celebration of life. Include whether the service is public or private. If the family prefers donations to a charity instead of flowers, name the organization.

What to Include (and What to Skip)

Include: Nicknames, hobbies, quirks, the job they loved or the job they endured, the thing they were unreasonably good at, the phrase they repeated until the family groaned. These details are what people will recognize.

Skip: Generic praise that could apply to anyone. "She was a loving mother and devoted wife" appears in 90% of obituaries and says nothing. Replace it with something only true of her: "She could not pass a used bookstore without going in, and the evidence filled every room of the house."

Optional: Cause of death, religious affiliation, political involvement, clubs and organizations. Include these based on what the deceased would have wanted public.

Length and Cost

Newspaper obituaries are priced by the line or by the word. A typical print obituary costs $200 to $1,000 depending on the publication and length. The New York Times charges over $300 per line.

Online-only obituaries on platforms like Legacy.com or the funeral home's website are usually free or included in the funeral service fee. These have no word limits and can include photos.

A standard print obituary runs 150 to 300 words. Online versions can be longer — 500 to 800 words gives you room to include the details that make it personal.

Common Mistakes

Writing it alone — Call two or three people who knew the deceased well and ask each for one specific memory. You will get material you never would have thought of, and the process helps everyone feel included.

Waiting too long — Most newspapers need the obituary submitted 2 to 3 days before the desired publication date. Funeral homes will often write and submit it for you as part of their services, but the result tends to be formulaic.

Forgetting the digital life — If the deceased had a significant online presence, social media accounts, or a professional website, decide now whether those will be memorialized, deactivated, or deleted. This isn't part of the obituary itself, but the people who read it will go looking.

Where to Publish

• Newspaper of the town where they lived — the traditional venue, still where older generations look
• Newspaper of the town where they grew up — if different from where they lived
• Legacy.com — the largest online obituary aggregator, linked to most funeral homes
• Funeral home website — usually included with services
• Social media — a personal post from a family member often reaches more people than any formal publication

Getting Through It

Writing an obituary is one of the first tasks grief hands you, and it arrives when your capacity for it is lowest. Give yourself permission to write a rough draft, walk away, and come back.

For help organizing every part of the process — from the first phone call to final paperwork — our Choosing Between Burial, Cremation & Alternatives guide includes communication templates and a step-by-step action checklist.