Writing an Obituary for Your Father: A Practical Guide

Funeral homes will often write an obituary for you, but what they produce tends to read like a form letter — dates, locations, and a list of survivors. If you want something that actually sounds like your father, you'll need to write it yourself or give someone enough material to do it for you.

The good news is that an obituary has a standard structure. You don't have to be creative. You just need to fill in the sections.

What an Obituary Includes

An obituary is a public notice and a personal tribute compressed into roughly 200 to 400 words. Newspaper rates often charge by the word or by the line, so brevity matters practically as well as stylistically.

The essential facts:

• Full legal name, including middle name and any commonly known nicknames
• Date and place of birth
• Date, place, and (optionally) cause of death
• Names of surviving family — spouse, children, grandchildren, siblings
• Names of family members who preceded him in death
• Funeral or memorial service details: date, time, location, whether it's open to the public
• Where to send donations in lieu of flowers, if applicable

The personal elements:

• What he did for a living — not just the job title but what the work meant to him
• What he loved outside of work — hobbies, obsessions, the thing he'd talk about if you gave him ten uninterrupted minutes
• Military service, if any, including branch and era
• Community involvement, memberships, or volunteer work
• One line that captures his personality — the detail a stranger could read and feel like they almost met him

A Working Template

Fill in the brackets. You'll have a publishable draft.

[Full Name], [age], of [City, State], died [peacefully / suddenly / after a long illness] on [date] at [location].

Born [date] in [City, State] to [parents' names], [First Name] [grew up in / spent his early years in] [location]. He [graduated from / attended] [school] and [went on to / spent his career in] [career summary].

[First Name] was known for [personality trait or characteristic — "his dry humor," "never sitting still," "the way he could fix anything with duct tape and patience"]. He loved [hobbies or passions — be specific].

[Optional: military service, community role, or faith community.]

He is survived by [spouse, children and their spouses, grandchildren, siblings]. He was preceded in death by [names].

[Service type] will be held at [time] on [date] at [location]. In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to [organization].

That's it. You can add a sentence or two, but resist the urge to write a biography. Obituaries work best when they're specific and short.

Common Mistakes

Listing every accomplishment. An obituary isn't a LinkedIn profile. Pick the one or two things that defined him, and let the rest go.

Using vague language. "He was a loving father and devoted husband" appears in roughly 90% of obituaries. It tells the reader nothing. Replace it with something only true of him: "He coached Little League for twelve years and never once missed a game, including the one the week after his knee surgery."

Forgetting the logistics. People read obituaries to learn when and where the service is. Burying that information in the final paragraph, or leaving it out, means phone calls you don't have the energy to take.

Not ordering enough death certificates. This isn't an obituary mistake, but it comes up at the same stage. Many banks, insurance companies, and government agencies require certified copies — not photocopies. Ordering 10 to 15 copies at the time of death registration can save you from having to reorder later at higher cost.

Where to Publish

The local newspaper where your father lived is the traditional channel. Submission methods, turnaround, and prices vary: basic online listings may be free, while print editions with photos can cost several hundred dollars or more. Check the newspaper's current instructions.

Legacy.com aggregates obituaries from partner newspapers and allows direct submissions. It is a common place for people to search.

The funeral home's website may post the obituary at no charge and include a guestbook for condolences.

Social media is increasingly where people learn about a death, especially for younger families. A short post with a photo and a link to the full obituary is often the most effective way to notify a wide circle quickly.

If you're working through the full list of things that need to happen after your father dies — from death certificates to probate to the months of estate settlement ahead — the When Your Father Dies toolkit maps every step into a single timeline.