How to Write an Obituary: Step-by-Step Guide for Families

Gather Information Before You Write Anything

The biggest mistake families make is sitting down to write from memory while emotionally exhausted. Grief disrupts working memory and processing speed — neurological research shows the prefrontal cortex becomes underactive during acute bereavement, making it genuinely harder to organize information and make decisions.

Before opening a document, collect these items:

• Identity documents: Full legal name, maiden name, nicknames. Birth year and city (not exact birth date — that's an identity theft risk).
• Life milestones: Schools, degrees, military service (branch, rank, discharge status), career highlights with approximate years.
• Family information: Spouse/partner, children with their spouses' names, grandchildren, siblings, parents if living. Who preceded them in death.
• Service details: Visitation and funeral times, locations, cemetery. Get these confirmed with the funeral home before submitting to a newspaper.
• Memorial preferences: Charitable donations in lieu of flowers, memorial fund details.

Email or text a brief questionnaire to 2-3 close family members asking them to verify names and spellings. One misspelled name in a printed obituary is permanent.

Write the Opening Line

A common first-sentence format gives the full name, age, city of residence, and date of death. Check a newspaper's submission guidelines for its requirements.

Catherine Marie Brennan, 76, of Chicago, Illinois, passed away on August 4, 2026.

Some families add a brief qualifier — "peacefully at home," "surrounded by family," "after a courageous battle with cancer." These are optional and should reflect what actually happened. "Peacefully" after a traumatic death rings false to everyone who knows the truth.

Build the Life Narrative

The middle section is where most people get stuck. You're trying to compress decades into a few sentences, and everything feels either too much or not enough.

Focus on three categories:

1. What they did — career, military service, education. Not every job, just the defining ones.
2. What they loved — hobbies, community involvement, faith. The specific details that made them recognizable.
3. What made them distinctive — the trait everyone mentions. The laugh, the cooking, the way they remembered everyone's birthday.

Two paragraphs is enough for most print obituaries. An online memorial can go longer, but resist the urge to list every accomplishment. Pick the moments that would make someone who never met them understand who this person was.

List Survivors Correctly

The survivor section follows a standard order: spouse, children (with spouses), grandchildren, great-grandchildren, siblings, then parents if living. People preceded in death come last.

Standard format: She is survived by her husband, Michael; children, Anne (Robert) Wilson and Thomas Brennan; four grandchildren; and her sister, Patricia Donnelly. She was preceded in death by her parents, James and Rose Kelly.

Complex families: Blended families, step-children, and estranged relatives make this section difficult. You have several options:

• List everyone together without labels: "survived by her children Sarah, James, and Lisa."
• Use summary language: "survived by his loving children, stepchildren, and grandchildren."
• Omit the section entirely if naming survivors would cause conflict. There's no legal requirement.

Whatever you choose, have two people verify every name and relationship independently before submission.

Add Service Information and Memorial Preferences

Close with the practical details: when, where, and what to do instead of flowers.

A funeral Mass will be celebrated Saturday, August 8, at 10:00 a.m. at Holy Name Cathedral. Interment at All Saints Cemetery. In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions to the American Cancer Society are appreciated.

If the family hasn't finalized service arrangements, publish the obituary with "services are pending" and update the online version later. Don't hold up the obituary waiting for logistics — newspaper deadlines don't wait.

Security Audit Before Submission

Before submitting to any publication, review your draft for information that identity thieves and burglars exploit:

• Remove exact birth date. Birth year is sufficient. The full date of birth is the single most valuable data point for opening fraudulent accounts.
• Remove home address. Publishing an address alongside funeral service times tells burglars exactly when the house will be empty.
• Remove mother's maiden name. This is a standard security question for financial accounts.
• Keep workplace details general. "Retired teacher" not "retired from Lincoln Elementary School, employee ID 4527."

After publication, contact Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion to request a deceased-file alert. Send each bureau a certified death certificate and Letters Testamentary, and request a "Deceased: Do Not Issue Credit" alert on the file. Identity thieves target deceased people's personal information, including details shared in public notices.

The complete obituary writing toolkit includes a pre-submission security checklist, fill-in-the-blank templates for every family situation, and a newspaper cost tracker that helps you estimate per-line charges before you submit. It walks you through the entire process from first draft to credit freeze.