What to Include in an Obituary (and What to Leave Out)

Essential Information Every Obituary Needs

An obituary has one job: tell readers who died, who they were, who they leave behind, and where to pay respects. Everything else is optional. Here's what belongs in every notice, regardless of length or format.

Full legal name and age. Use the full name on first reference, with a nickname in quotes if commonly used: Margaret "Peggy" Brennan, 79. This establishes the record and helps people searching online confirm they've found the right person.

City of residence and date of death. City and state — never the street address. The date of death helps readers identify the notice and creates a useful family and historical record; an obituary is not legal proof of death.

Biographical highlights. Not every job, degree, or achievement. Focus on what defined them: the career they built, the community they served, the passion that everyone associated with them. Two to four sentences covers it for print.

Survivor list. The standard order: spouse, children (with spouses' names), grandchildren, great-grandchildren, siblings, parents if living. Then those preceded in death. This section matters to the family more than any other part of the obituary.

Service information. Visitation, funeral, and burial details — dates, times, locations. If services haven't been finalized, write "arrangements pending" and update online once confirmed.

Memorial preferences. Where to direct donations in lieu of flowers, or the name of a memorial fund.

How to List Family Members

The survivor list is where most disputes happen. Here's how to handle it cleanly.

Standard listing order:

1. Spouse or partner
2. Children (listed with their spouses in parentheses)
3. Grandchildren (by number or individually)
4. Siblings
5. Parents if living
6. Preceded in death by

Example: She is survived by her husband, Daniel; children, Rebecca (Mark) Thompson and James (Anna) Morrow; seven grandchildren; her sister, Linda Keane; and her brother, Paul Sweeney. She was preceded in death by her parents, Patrick and Eileen Sweeney.

Blended families: If step-relationships are harmonious, list everyone together: "survived by her children Sarah, Michael, and Lisa." If the family prefers the distinction, use: "survived by her daughter Sarah, stepchildren Michael and Lisa." Either is appropriate — the family decides.

Estranged relatives: You're under no obligation to name anyone. If omitting someone would cause a bigger problem than including them, use a neutral group reference: "survived by family members." If someone is included, keep the listing factual — name and relationship only, no qualifiers.

Ex-spouses: Generally not listed in the survivor section. Exception: when they share children with the deceased and the relationship ended amicably, some families list them in a connecting phrase: "She is survived by her daughter, Emma, and Emma's father, Michael."

Grandchildren: For small families, list individually. For large families, a number works: "twelve grandchildren and three great-grandchildren." If some grandchildren are deceased, note it: "twelve grandchildren, including the late Joshua."

What to Leave Out

Some details don't belong in an obituary. Not because they're wrong, but because they create real risks.

Exact date of birth. Publish the birth year only. The day and month of birth add sensitive personal information to a public notice; omitting them reduces identity-theft risk.

Home address. Avoid publishing the deceased's home address, especially alongside funeral service times, which could reveal when the home is unattended.

Mother's maiden name. A standard security question for bank accounts, credit cards, and government services. Publishing it is handing out a skeleton key.

Specific financial details. Don't mention estate value, insurance policies, business ownership stakes, or real estate holdings. These attract both scammers and family disputes.

Unnecessary medical details. The cause of death is optional. "After a long illness" or no mention at all is appropriate. If the family chooses to be specific, keep it dignified: "after a two-year battle with ALS." Never include graphic details about the manner of death.

Details that could embarrass survivors. An obituary is published publicly. Past legal troubles, failed marriages described unkindly, or family conflicts don't belong here, even if they're factual.

Common Mistakes

Forgetting someone on the survivor list. This happens more often than you'd expect, especially with large families and estranged relatives. Circulate the draft to at least two family members for verification before submitting.

Misspelling names. A printed obituary can't be corrected after publication. Triple-check every name — and spell out names rather than using initials for anyone who might share initials with another relative.

Publishing before confirming service details. If the funeral home hasn't confirmed the time or location, say "arrangements pending." Don't guess. A wrong service time in print is a permanent error.

Oversharing on social media. Some families post the obituary online before the newspaper prints it, which can cause problems with newspapers that require exclusive first publication. Check the paper's policy before posting elsewhere.

The obituary writing toolkit walks through each of these sections with fill-in templates, a survivor verification worksheet, and a security audit that flags exactly which details to include and which to leave out — so you don't have to make those judgment calls under grief brain fog.