Pākehā Attending a Tangi: Marae Protocol and Pōwhiri Steps

If you have been invited to a tangi and it is your first time on a marae, the most important thing to know is that everyone there understands you are learning. Nobody expects you to know te reo or perform whaikōrero. What they do expect is that you follow the physical protocols, show genuine respect, and take your cues from the people around you.

Here is what actually happens, step by step.

Before You Arrive

Contact the whānau or your mutual connection and ask practical questions: What time should you arrive? Is overnight staying expected? Should you bring bedding? Is there anything the kitchen needs?

Wear dark, conservative clothing — black is standard. Women should cover their legs fully. Shoes must be easy to remove. Leave your hat and sunglasses in the car before the pōwhiri begins.

Prepare your koha (cash donation) in a sealed envelope before arriving. If you are going as part of a group, pool your koha into one envelope.

The Waharoa (Gate)

You do not walk onto a marae during a tangihanga. You wait at the waharoa — the entrance gate — until a group has gathered. The hosts welcome visitors in batches, not individually, because each welcome requires the full pōwhiri ceremony and it conserves the energy of the elders who perform it.

If you arrive alone, wait quietly until others gather or until the hosts send someone to bring you in. You will not be left standing indefinitely.

The Pōwhiri (Welcome Ceremony)

When the host's kaikaranga begins her call — a high, sustained, deeply moving vocal call — your group moves forward. The sequence:

1. Women lead. Elder women and any kaikaranga from your group walk at the front. Men walk behind and to the sides.
2. Walk slowly and silently with your head slightly bowed.
3. Pause briefly about halfway across the marae ātea (courtyard). This moment of stillness acknowledges the ancestors and those who have died.
4. Continue to the wharenui and be directed to your seats.

Do not talk, wave, or break from the group during this walk. The karanga creates a spiritual pathway between the hosts and your group — the silence is part of the protocol.

Whaikōrero (Formal Speeches) and Waiata

Once seated, you will hear whaikōrero — formal speeches from the host speakers and, if your group has a speaker, from your side. The speaking order depends on local kawa (protocol) — in some tribal regions, speakers alternate (tau utuutu); in others, all host speakers go first (pāeke).

After each speech, supporters stand to sing a waiata tautoko (song of support). If you know the waiata, join in. If you do not, stand respectfully with the group. Standing together matters more than singing.

During the speeches, do not cross the marae ātea, do not leave the wharenui, and do not use your phone. The speeches are directed at the tūpāpaku (deceased) in the second person — as though they are sitting there, listening.

The Hongi

After the speeches, you will be invited to stand and line up for the harirū and hongi — a firm handshake combined with pressing your nose and forehead gently against the other person's, twice. This is the sharing of the breath of life.

Move slowly down the line. Remove glasses first. You will greet the whānau pani (bereaved family), and you will likely view the open casket. It is normal and expected to speak directly to the deceased — a quiet "rest well" or simply a moment of silent acknowledgement.

Take your time. Nobody is rushing you through this.

Seating and Sleeping in the Wharenui

Where you sit depends on the tribal kawa of the marae. In some regions, visitors sit on one side and whānau pani on the other. In others, the arrangement follows specific family lines. Follow the lead of your group or the hosts.

The front row of seats (the paepae) is reserved for men who will speak. Do not sit there unless directed to.

If staying overnight, the wharenui has communal mattresses. Rules for overnight stays: no food inside the wharenui, do not step over anyone's bedding, do not sit on pillows, and keep belongings on the floor rather than on mattresses.

Meals in the Wharekai

All eating happens in the wharekai (dining hall), which is the noa (ordinary, safe) space — separate from the tapu (sacred) wharenui. You will be called to meals. Wait to be invited; do not wander to the kitchen looking for food.

Do not sit on tables. Do not place hats on dining surfaces. These are tapu/noa boundary rules — the head is tapu, and anything associated with the head must not touch surfaces meant for food.

The Simplest Guide

If you remember nothing else: follow the group, stay quiet during the pōwhiri, do not bring food into the wharenui, present koha through the formal protocol, and take physical cues from the senior Māori person nearest you. Genuine respect and willingness to learn count for far more than getting every detail perfect.

For a full attendee briefing — including tribal seating variations, overnight protocols, and the specific questions to ask your host marae before arriving — the Māori Tangihanga Guide covers everything in a printable format you can share with your group.