What to Wear to a Tangi: Dress Code and Etiquette

Your first tangi can feel overwhelming — not because anyone expects perfection, but because the protocols are specific and nobody tells you in advance. The dress code is straightforward once you know it, and the behavioural rules exist to protect the spiritual safety of everyone present, including you.

The Dress Code

Dark colours, specifically black, are the universal standard. Dress formally and conservatively:

• Women: Long skirts or trousers that fully cover the legs. Shorts, short skirts, and revealing casual wear are inappropriate. Shoulders should be covered.
• Men: Dark trousers and a collared shirt at minimum. A suit is appropriate but not required.
• Everyone: Practical shoes you can remove easily — you take shoes off before entering the wharenui (meeting house) and leave them tidily outside the door.

Remove hats, beanies, and sunglasses before the pōwhiri (welcome ceremony) begins. They stay off the entire time you are inside the wharenui or wharekai (dining hall), particularly during prayers and meals. The head is considered highly tapu in Māori culture, and head coverings on dining surfaces or in sacred spaces breach that boundary.

What to Bring

• Koha (a cash donation in a sealed envelope) — this helps the whānau pani offset the substantial costs of feeding and hosting hundreds of people over several days. There is a formal protocol for presenting koha during the pōwhiri; it is never handed directly to a family member.
• Sleeping gear if staying overnight — a sleeping bag, pillow, and warm layers. The wharenui has communal mattresses but can be cold overnight.
• Toiletries and a towel — facilities vary by marae.
• A dish of food for the kitchen is welcome at many marae, but check with the hosts first. Some marae have specific dietary requirements or catering arrangements.

Do not bring alcohol, recreational drugs, or weapons onto the marae — these are strictly prohibited at all marae during tangihanga.

Behaviour Inside the Wharenui

The wharenui where the tūpāpaku (deceased) lies in state is a space of intense tapu. The core rules:

• No food or drink inside the wharenui. This is the most fundamental rule. Food is inherently noa (ordinary/safe) and must be kept strictly separated from the tapu of the deceased. Only plain water in a bottle is sometimes tolerated.
• No photography or video unless you have explicit advance permission from both the whānau pani and the marae committee. The tūpāpaku must never be photographed.
• Never step over someone's pillow or bedding — the head is tapu. If you need to pass, walk around.
• Do not sit on pillows or place bags on mattresses.
• Never walk across the marae ātea (open courtyard) while a speaker is standing. Wait until they sit down and the waiata finishes.

The Hongi and Greeting Line

After the formal speeches, you will be invited to line up for the harirū and hongi — a firm handshake combined with the gentle pressing of noses and foreheads, done twice. This symbolises the sharing of the breath of life.

Go slowly and deliberately. Remove glasses if you are wearing them. You will greet the whānau pani, view the open casket, and may speak briefly to the deceased — this is normal and expected. Take your time.

Arrival Protocol

Do not walk onto the marae by yourself. Wait at the waharoa (entrance gate) until a group has gathered. When the host's kaikaranga begins the welcoming call, your group moves forward slowly and silently — women in front, men behind. Pause briefly halfway across the courtyard in silent acknowledgement of the ancestors.

Follow the lead of the most senior person in your group. If you are unsure about anything, ask before the pōwhiri begins rather than during it.

For a complete guide to tangihanga protocols — including the specific questions to ask your host marae about local kawa, sleeping arrangements, and what to expect day by day — see the Māori Tangihanga Guide.