Questions to Ask Kaumātua and the Marae Committee Before a Tangihanga

Why Asking Is Not a Sign of Weakness

Many families hesitate to ask questions before a tangihanga. The fear is that asking will expose ignorance, invite judgment from the ahi kā (the people who keep the home fires burning), or suggest that you are not truly connected to your marae or your tikanga.

The reality is the opposite. Kaumātua expect to be consulted. Different marae run on different kawa. Even experienced tangi attendees confirm details before each event, because the rules at one marae may directly contradict the rules at another. Asking the right questions is not a confession of disconnection — it is the respectful thing to do.

Questions for the Marae Committee

These are the practical logistics questions. Ask them as early as possible — ideally while the tūpāpaku is still at the hospital or funeral home.

• Is the marae available for our tangihanga? What dates?
• What is the hireage cost, and what does it include? (Kitchen access, bedding, power, cleaning, and waste removal vary significantly between marae. Roma Marae in Kaitaia charges $300+GST for the first day; Wharekawa Marae charges $250–$500/night with a refundable bond.)
• What kitchen facilities and crockery are available? (Some marae have full commercial kitchens; others provide only the building.)
• What are the rules on waste disposal? (Many marae require you to bag and remove all rubbish yourself.)
• Is the marae auahi kore (smoke-free)? If a smoking area exists, where is it?
• Are there specific parking instructions for the funeral procession?
• How many overnight guests can the wharenui accommodate?

Questions for the Kaumātua

These are the protocol questions. They determine how the tangihanga will actually run.

• Is the speaking order tau utuutu (alternating) or pāeke (sequential)?
• Where is the tūpāpaku traditionally positioned in this wharenui? (Right-hand side in Te Arawa tradition; centrally or under the veranda window elsewhere.)
• Where should the whānau pani sit in relation to the casket?
• Where should visiting delegations sit?
• Is the harirū and hongi gender-segregated or does the full group file through together?
• Are there any specific restrictions on the urupā? (Some ancestral urupā — such as St. Gabriel's in Pawarenga — require the removal of all jewellery, phones, and sunglasses before entering.)
• Does the marae allow cremated remains inside the wharenui or in the urupā? (Some conservative marae strictly prohibit this.)
• Is photography permitted at any stage? (Almost always the answer is no, especially regarding the tūpāpaku — but ask rather than assume.)

Questions for the Minister or Officiator

The minister or kaikarakia manages the spiritual choreography across the entire tangihanga.

• What time will nightly karakia be held?
• What karakia will be used for the opening and closing ceremonies?
• Will there be a formal church service as part of the funeral, or will the tangihanga protocol serve as the full ceremony? (Many tangihanga incorporate Christian elements alongside tikanga Māori.)
• What time will the casket be closed on the final morning? (Traditionally before dawn, in a private whānau service.)
• Will the minister lead the takahi whare (house cleansing) after the burial?
• Are there specific hymns or waiata the family should prepare?

Questions About the Burial

• Has the grave plot been confirmed and paid for?
• Who will dig the grave? (This role carries immense mana within the hapū and is traditionally done by young men of the local community.)
• What are the depth and lining requirements? (Custom dictates at least six feet deep, walls lined with punga — tree fern trunks.)
• Where is the nearest water source for the whakanoa (hand-washing) at the urupā exit?

You Do Not Have to Ask Alone

If you feel uncomfortable approaching the kaumātua or the marae committee directly, ask a family member with a stronger relationship to the marae to make the call on your behalf. The questions are the same regardless of who asks them.

Our Māori Tangihanga Guide includes a complete Kaumātua and Marae Committee Interview Script with these questions formatted in both te reo and English — ready to print and carry with you. It means you honour the local authority of the marae while protecting yourself from accidental breaches.