Questions to Ask a Funeral Director: The Complete List

The arrangement conference is designed by professionals who run it every day, for families who do it once in a decade — in the worst week of their lives, with grief brain fog degrading exactly the judgment the meeting requires. Walking in with a written question list changes the dynamic completely. These are the questions that matter, grouped by what they're trying to protect.

Pricing Questions (Ask These First)

• "May I have your General Price List?" Federal law (the FTC Funeral Rule) requires them to hand you an itemized price list when you ask about prices. If it isn't offered in the first five minutes, ask. Everything else on this list gets easier once the GPL is on the table — see funeral home price list for how to read it.
• "What is your basic services fee, and what does it cover?" This is the one non-declinable fee the Rule allows. Know what it is so you can see what's actually optional.
• "What would the total be for the simplest option you offer?" Forces the floor price into the open before any upselling starts.
• "Can I see the à-la-carte total for what's in this package?" Packages sometimes cost more than the same items bought individually.
• "Which of these charges are cash-advance items, and do you add a markup?" Cash-advance items are third-party costs the funeral home pays on your behalf — death certificates, obituary notices, clergy honoraria, flowers. The Funeral Rule requires disclosure of any markup, and undisclosed markups of 5–15% are common.
• "Can I get the itemized statement in writing before I sign anything?" Also your legal right.

"Is This Actually Required?" Questions

• "Is embalming legally required here, or is this a recommendation?" It's almost never legally required — and the funeral home must tell you that in writing. Full context: is embalming required by law.
• "Is a casket required for cremation?" No. An alternative container (simple cardboard or fiberboard) is legal and standard for direct cremation.
• "Is a vault required by law, or by the cemetery?" Outer burial containers are a cemetery policy, not a state law — worth knowing because it changes where to negotiate.
• "Can we supply our own casket or urn?" They cannot refuse third-party merchandise or charge a handling fee for it. Online casket retailers sell the same products for far less.

Service and Logistics Questions

• "What are our options if we don't want a traditional service here?" Direct cremation, immediate burial, graveside-only, or a memorial held elsewhere — you want to hear all four without a sales filter.
• "Who actually performs the cremation/burial, and where?" Many funeral homes subcontract cremations to third-party crematories. Ask which one, and whether you can verify their identification and tracking procedures.
• "What is the timeline from here — permits, certificates, the service, the ashes?" Makes them commit to dates and surfaces delays early. Reference points: how long does cremation take after death and how long does a death certificate take.
• "How many certified death certificates should we order, and what do they cost through you versus directly?" Funeral homes order them conveniently but sometimes at a markup; vital records offices charge less directly.
• "What happens with the medical equipment and medications still in the home?" Good funeral directors coordinate with hospice on this; it's a test of whether they've handled deaths like yours.

Red Flags to Listen For

• "Everyone chooses…" / "Most families want…" — pressure by social proof
• Any implication that embalming, a "protective" casket, or a package is legally required
• Reluctance to hand over the GPL or put the final itemization in writing
• Vague answers on cash-advance markups
• Grief-flavored urgency: "We need to decide today" (you almost never do)

One or two of these and you finish the meeting politely, take the GPL, and call the next funeral home. Prices for identical services vary by thousands of dollars within the same town — the FTC's whole premise is that you'll shop, and two phone calls (they must give prices by phone) usually settle it.

Bringing Backup

Bring a second person to the conference — a friend or relative who isn't in the inner circle of grief. Their job is to hold the question list, take notes, and catch what you miss. This is standard practice, not weakness. Funeral professionals respect prepared families; the FTC Funeral Rule was written assuming you'd be one.

The After a Long Terminal Illness toolkit includes a printable version of this question list alongside a funeral cost comparison worksheet — built for taking into the arrangement conference so nothing gets forgotten and every answer gets written down.

The Bottom Line

Ask for the General Price List first, ask what's legally required versus recommended, ask about cash-advance markups, ask for the itemized statement in writing, and bring a clear-headed second person. A funeral director who answers these questions straight is one you can work with; one who dodges them has told you everything you need to know.