Serbian Funeral Mistakes to Avoid

Choosing Cremation Without Understanding the Consequences

This is the most severe and irreversible mistake. Families under financial pressure or influenced by secular norms sometimes choose cremation without realizing that the Serbian Orthodox Church will permanently deny:

• The Opelo (church funeral liturgy)
• All memorial services (Parastos, Pomen) — forever
• Blessing of the koljivo/žito (memorial wheat)
• Inclusion in Zadušnice (communal memorial Saturdays)

There is no reversal. Even if the family later regrets the decision, the Church cannot retroactively perform services for a cremated individual. If cost is the concern, a simple green burial may be a lower-cost option and is described as highly acceptable under Orthodox teaching. Talk to the priest before making any disposition decision.

Scheduling the 40-Day Parastos Late

The 40-day memorial service must be held on the exact 40th day or the weekend immediately preceding it. Scheduling it even one day after the 40th day is considered a severe cultural and spiritual error — it is believed to harm the soul's journey rather than help it.

In practice, this means counting carefully and booking the priest early. If the 40th day falls on a Tuesday, the Parastos goes on the preceding Saturday or Sunday (days 37 or 38). Waiting until the following weekend is too late.

Diaspora families with busy schedules often try to push the date to a "more convenient" weekend. The convenience of the living does not override the theological deadline.

Sending an Odd Number of Flowers

In Slavic culture, odd-numbered flowers are for celebrations — birthdays, weddings, happy occasions. Even-numbered flowers are for funerals and mourning. Sending 3, 5, or 7 stems to a Serbian funeral is a genuine social blunder that signals you are celebrating rather than grieving.

This is an easy mistake for non-Serbian friends and colleagues to make, and it will be noticed. When ordering from a florist, explicitly request an even number: 2, 4, 6, 8, or 12 stems.

Serving Meat on a Fasting Day

The Daća (memorial meal) menu is not the family's choice — it is governed by the Orthodox fasting calendar. If the funeral falls on a Wednesday, Friday, or during one of the four major fasting seasons, the entire meal must be posna (Lenten): no meat, no dairy, no eggs.

Serving roast pork on a Wednesday funeral Daća is a serious offense against church tradition. The caterer, the family member cooking, or whoever is managing the food needs to check with the priest: "Is this a fasting day?" One question prevents a significant embarrassment.

Canceling the Krsna Slava During the Mourning Year

When a family member dies, grieving families often assume they should skip their annual Krsna Slava (patron saint day celebration) out of respect. This is a common and serious misunderstanding.

The Church requires the Slava to continue without interruption, even during active mourning. The Slava is not entertainment — it is a spiritual observance connecting the living and dead members of the family line. Canceling it is believed to deprive the deceased of the family's prayers and create a spiritual vacuum.

The correct adjustment: strip away the festive elements (no music, no dancing, no large guest list) but retain the core liturgical rituals — the candle, the slavski kolač (ritual bread), the žito, the red wine, and the priest's blessing. Only close family and the kumovi (godparents) attend.

Visiting the Cemetery After Sunset

Serbian folk custom considers cemetery visits after sunset taboo. This is not a minor preference — it is taken very seriously by traditional community members. All grave visits, including the morning-after-burial visit, the day 7 visit, and informal remembrance visits, should be conducted in the morning or before noon.

Not Communicating Orthodox Requirements to the Funeral Director

In diaspora communities, the funeral director may not be familiar with Serbian Orthodox practices. Families often assume the director "knows what to do" and discover at the viewing that:

• The body was positioned incorrectly (hands not crossed right over left)
• No cross or icon was placed in the deceased's hands
• The paper crown was missing from the forehead
• The casket was arranged for a closed-casket service when open casket is required
• Embalming was performed more aggressively than Orthodox practice prefers

A written instruction sheet handed to the funeral director on the first meeting prevents all of these problems. It should specify: open casket, cross in hands (right over left), paper crown on forehead, minimal embalming if possible, and coordination with the priest for timing.

Using Loud or Dramatic Behavior Inside the Church

Orthodox funeral etiquette emphasizes quiet, measured solemnity. While genuine grief is understood and respected, loud wailing, dramatic outbursts, or extended speeches at the casket during the Opelo disrupt the liturgical flow. The service is a prayer to God, not a stage for personal expression.

Condolences are offered quietly (Moje saučešće), the approach to the casket during the Last Kiss is slow and restrained, and all talking inside the church is kept to an absolute minimum.

For a comprehensive checklist that covers every potential mistake, from the first phone call to the priest through the one-year anniversary memorial, see our Serbian Orthodox funeral guide.