Common Mistakes Families Make When Planning an Orthodox Funeral

The combination of grief, time pressure, and unfamiliarity with Orthodox liturgical requirements creates a minefield for families — especially in diaspora communities where second and third-generation descendants may not have attended an Orthodox funeral before. These are the mistakes that cost families the most money, cause the most embarrassment, or create the most conflict with the parish.

Booking the Funeral Home Before Calling the Priest

This is the single most common error. A family member calls the funeral home first, locks in a date and time, and then discovers that the chosen day conflicts with the Church's liturgical calendar. Orthodox funerals cannot take place on Sundays, Holy Friday, or Holy Saturday; funerals are generally prohibited on Great Feast days (except toward evening in some jurisdictions) and require calendar-specific arrangements during parts of Great Lent.

The fix is simple: the priest is always the first call. The priest confirms which dates are liturgically permissible, and only then does the family finalize arrangements with the funeral home.

Agreeing to Chemical Embalming by Default

Many funeral homes present embalming as standard procedure for open-casket viewings. Families sign the paperwork without questioning it. Whether embalming is legally required depends on the applicable state law and the circumstances; it is not a universal requirement and commonly costs $800 to $1,500.

The Orthodox Church prefers natural preservation: refrigeration or dry ice for the typical 2-to-3-day timeline between death and burial. The body is generally viewed in an open casket. Unless state law specifically mandates embalming for your situation (such as delayed burial or interstate transport), decline it. Request written confirmation from the funeral home that refrigeration will be used instead.

Buying an Expensive Casket

Funeral directors are trained salespeople, and the casket is the single highest-margin item in a funeral. Families grieving for a loved one are psychologically vulnerable to the suggestion that a more expensive casket reflects greater love and respect.

Orthodox theology says the opposite. The Church teaches that death is the great equalizer, and the body returns to the earth in humility. A simple wooden casket — pine or poplar with a plain cross on the lid — is the traditional standard and costs $1,000 to $2,500. Metal and copper caskets in the $5,000 to $15,000 range are theologically inconsistent with Orthodox teaching and actively hinder the natural decomposition the Church values.

The FTC Funeral Rule protects your right to purchase a casket from any vendor, including online retailers, and the funeral home cannot charge you for using one you bought elsewhere.

Allowing Personal Eulogies During the Church Service

In most Western funeral traditions, family and friends deliver personal eulogies during the service. In an Orthodox funeral, this is not permitted. Only the priest speaks inside the church sanctuary during the liturgy. The homily focuses on the theology of resurrection and God's mercy — not on personal anecdotes about the deceased.

Personal tributes, stories, and secular remembrances belong at the mercy meal (makaria) after the burial. Families should inform anyone who planned to speak at the service about this rule before the funeral day to avoid an awkward moment in the church.

Scheduling on a Weekend to Accommodate Guests

Families often want a Saturday funeral so that more people can attend. While Saturday funerals are permitted (unlike Sundays, which are strictly prohibited), they carry practical downsides: cemetery grave-digging fees are significantly higher on weekends, and the parish may have other scheduled services.

The traditional preference is the third day after death, regardless of the day of the week. A Tuesday or Wednesday funeral with fewer but more committed attendees is both liturgically appropriate and less expensive.

Forgetting to Prepare Koliva

The koliva (memorial wheat) is liturgically required at every memorial service — the 3rd day, 9th day, 40th day, and annual memorials. It is not optional or decorative. The priest blesses it during the service, and it is distributed to the congregation.

Koliva preparation is a two-day process (boiling and drying the wheat the night before, assembling the morning of the service). Families who forget or assume someone else will handle it discover the gap too late. Designate a koliva coordinator within the family immediately after the death.

Not Telling the Funeral Director About Orthodox Requirements

A secular funeral director who is unfamiliar with Orthodox practices will default to standard Western funeral procedures: chemical embalming, a closed or half-open casket, makeup and restorative cosmetology, recorded music, and an invitation for guests to deliver remarks.

Every one of these defaults contradicts Orthodox tradition. The family must provide clear, written instructions specifying: no embalming (refrigeration instead), a fully open casket with a removable lid preferred where available, no makeup beyond minimal grooming, no recorded music, and no lay speakers during the service. Handing the funeral director a signed directive at the first meeting prevents miscommunication.

Ignoring Fasting Rules for the Mercy Meal

If the funeral falls during Great Lent, the Apostles' Fast, the Dormition Fast, or the Nativity Fast, the mercy meal menu must comply with Orthodox fasting rules — which means no meat and sometimes no dairy, eggs, or fish depending on the specific fast. Families who book a standard catering package without consulting the priest end up serving food that observant parish members cannot eat.

Check the fasting calendar with the priest before ordering catering. The parish Philoptochos (ladies' guild) often coordinates the meal and knows the fasting requirements for the specific date.

The Eastern Orthodox Funeral Guide includes a complete planning checklist, funeral home directive templates, and fasting-compliant menu plans that prevent every one of these errors.