Serbian Orthodox 40 Days After Death

Why 40 Days Matters in Serbian Orthodox Theology

The number 40 carries deep significance across Christian scripture — Christ's 40 days in the wilderness, the 40 days between Resurrection and Ascension. In Serbian Orthodox tradition, the 40 days after death mirror this pattern. The soul is believed to undergo a structured journey with three key presentations before God: on the 3rd day, the 9th day, and finally the 40th day.

During days 1 and 2, the soul remains near its earthly home and loved ones. On day 3 — the day of burial — it makes its first presentation before God. Between days 3 and 9, the soul is guided through the heavenly realms. On day 9, it appears before God in the presence of the nine orders of angels. From days 9 through 40, the soul traverses deeper realities of the afterlife.

On the 40th day, the soul receives its temporary judgment, which holds until the General Resurrection. This is why the 40-day memorial carries such weight — it is the moment families believe their prayers can most directly influence the soul's eternal standing.

The Parastos: The 40-Day Memorial Service

The Parastos (also called the 40-day memorial) is the most significant post-burial service in Serbian Orthodox practice. The priest leads a formal commemorative liturgy in the church or at the graveside, during which the žito (memorial wheat) is blessed and prayers are offered for the repose of the departed soul.

A large-scale Daća (memorial meal) follows, gathering extended family, friends, and community members. The two sacred foods — koljivo (sweetened boiled wheat with walnuts, decorated with a cross) and pogača (round bread marked with a cross) — must be present.

The menu follows the same fasting calendar rules as the funeral meal: posna (Lenten) food on Wednesdays, Fridays, and during fasting seasons; mrsna (rich) food otherwise. Plum brandy (šljivovica), red wine, and black coffee are served regardless of the fasting calendar.

Scheduling the Parastos: The Rule That Cannot Be Broken

Here is where many diaspora families make a critical mistake. The 40-day Parastos must be held on the exact 40th day or the weekend immediately preceding it. Performing it after the 40th day has passed is considered a severe spiritual and cultural taboo — it is believed to harm the soul's journey rather than help it.

So if the 40th day falls on a Tuesday, the family schedules the service for the preceding Saturday or Sunday (days 37 or 38). If it falls on a Saturday, the service happens that day. The priest should be consulted early to lock in the date, because scheduling conflicts in busy parishes can push families past the deadline if they wait.

Mourning Obligations During the 40 Days

The immediate family observes strict mourning throughout this period:

Clothing: Close relatives wear solid black (crnina) for the entire 40 days. In traditional communities, widows may extend this to six months, a year, or even the rest of their lives. Men often refrain from shaving their beards for the full period.

Social restrictions: Music, celebrations, parties, and social gatherings are avoided. The family is expected to live quietly and prayerfully, directing their energy toward remembrance and intercession for the departed.

Grave visits: The family visits the grave on specific days — the morning after burial, day 7, day 9, and day 40. Visits should always happen before noon. Serbian folk custom considers it taboo to be in a cemetery after sunset.

Candle: The beeswax candle lit at the moment of death (or shortly after) remains burning or is relit regularly throughout the 40 days.

Memorial Milestones Beyond Day 40

The mourning obligations ease after the 40th day, but commemorations continue:

• 6-month memorial — a quieter service with the priest and close family
• 1-year anniversary — a full Parastos with blessed žito and a Daća, marking the end of the formal mourning year
• Annual Zadušnice — four communal memorial Saturdays throughout the year (before Great Lent, before Pentecost, in October, and in November) when families visit the graves of all deceased ancestors

These dates are in addition to any private prayers the family chooses to continue.

Celebrating Krsna Slava During Mourning

One question that trips up nearly every mourning family: what happens to the annual Krsna Slava (patron saint day) during the mourning year?

The answer is absolute — the Slava must never be canceled. The Church considers it not a social event but a spiritual celebration of the family's baptismal heritage. Omitting it is believed to deprive the deceased of the family's prayers and create a spiritual vacuum.

However, the celebration is significantly stripped down: no loud music, no dancing, no large festive gatherings. Only the core liturgical elements remain — the Slava candle, the slavski kolač (ritual bread), the žito, the red wine, and the priest's blessing. Only immediate family, godparents (kumovi), and those who assist the household attend.

Planning These Milestones

Managing the 40-day mourning period, the precisely timed Parastos, subsequent memorials, and the Slava adjustment requires careful coordination with the parish priest and extended family. Our Serbian Orthodox funeral guide includes a memorial timeline planner and Parastos scheduling worksheet that maps every milestone from the day of death through the one-year anniversary, so nothing falls through the cracks during an already overwhelming time.