Serbian Orthodox Parastos Memorial Service

The Parastos is the Serbian Orthodox memorial service held at fixed intervals after a person's death. It's not a funeral — the Opelo already happened. The Parastos is the church's ongoing intercession for the departed soul, and your family's obligation to keep that intercession going according to the liturgical calendar.

If you're approaching the 40th day, the 6-month mark, or the first anniversary, here's what to know.

The Memorial Calendar

Serbian Orthodox tradition prescribes a specific sequence of memorial services after burial:

• 9th day — a brief pomen (memorial prayer) at the grave or in church
• 40th day (Četrdesetnica) — the major Parastos, the most important of all memorial services
• 6 months — a Parastos at church
• 1 year — a Parastos marking a major annual memorial milestone
• Annually thereafter — on or near the anniversary of death

The 40-day Parastos carries the heaviest theological weight. Orthodox tradition teaches that the soul spends its first 40 days in transition — visiting the earthly places it knew, being presented before God, witnessing both paradise and the state of the unrepentant. On the 40th day, the soul receives its temporary judgment until the General Resurrection. The Parastos on this day is the family's final liturgical petition before that judgment.

The Critical Timing Rule

The 40-day Parastos must be held on the exact 40th day or on the weekend immediately preceding it — never after. This is one of the few timing rules that traditional Serbian families treat as absolute.

If the 40th day falls midweek, schedule the Parastos for the preceding Saturday or Sunday. For example, if the 40th day is a Tuesday, the service happens the Saturday or Sunday before (day 37 or 38). Waiting until the following weekend — after the 40th day has passed — is considered spiritually harmful and will draw objections from traditional family members.

Count the days carefully from the date of death (the death day counts as day one) and book the church as soon as you have the date.

What Happens During the Service

The Parastos is shorter than the funeral Opelo; its duration varies by parish. The priest leads prayers of intercession for the departed, the choir chants memorial hymns, and the service concludes with Vječnaja Pamjat (Memory Eternal).

Mourners hold lit beeswax candles throughout. The koljivo (boiled wheat) is blessed by the priest during the service — this is the symbolic centrepiece, representing the Resurrection through the metaphor of the wheat seed that falls into the earth and dies to bring forth new life.

For the 40-day and annual memorials, the service is usually followed by a Daća (memorial meal) at the parish hall, a restaurant, or the family home.

What You Need to Prepare

For every Parastos:

• Koljivo (žito) — boiled wheat berries sweetened with honey or sugar, mixed with ground walnuts, decorated with a cross made of raisins or almonds. Prepare this ahead of time and bring it to the church in a covered dish.
• Pogača (kolač) — round bread marked with a cross. The priest will bless and break this at the service.
• Red wine — a small bottle for the priest's blessing.
• Beeswax candles — the church usually supplies these, but confirm ahead of time.
• A name slip — write the deceased's name (and optionally the names of other departed family members) for the priest to read during the prayers.

For the 40-day and annual memorials, also plan a Daća. Check the fasting calendar: if the date falls on a Wednesday, Friday, or during a Lenten fast, the entire meal must be posno (no meat, dairy, or eggs).

The Difference Between Parastos and Pomen

These terms are sometimes used interchangeably in casual conversation, but they're different services. A Parastos is the full memorial service with koljivo blessing, conducted in church. A pomen is a shorter memorial prayer, often done graveside — more common for the 9th day and informal commemorations.

Your priest will guide you on which is appropriate for each milestone.

Parastos in the Diaspora

If you live far from the nearest Serbian Orthodox parish, two options exist. First, any Eastern Orthodox priest can perform the memorial service — Greek, Russian, or Antiochian parishes share the same liturgical framework. Second, if no Orthodox parish is accessible, observe the day privately: light a candle at home, prepare koljivo, say a prayer, and arrange a formal Parastos when you can next visit the parish.

The Serbian Orthodox Funeral Navigator includes a Parastos scheduling worksheet and a memorial timeline planner that calculates every milestone date from the date of death, so you never have to count days manually or risk missing the 40-day window.