Shiva House Setup Guide: How to Prepare a Home for Seven Days of Mourning

What to Do Before the Family Returns From the Cemetery

The shiva house needs to be ready before the mourners walk through the door after the burial. Neighbors, friends, or community volunteers handle the preparation, because the mourners themselves are halachically exempt from hosting duties during this period. Everything that follows should be completed while the family is at the funeral and cemetery.

Cover every mirror and reflective surface. Use towels, sheets, or cloth to drape bathroom mirrors, hallway mirrors, decorative mirrors, and any framed glass that creates a strong reflection. The reason behind this custom is debated, but the most widely cited explanations center on removing vanity during mourning, preventing self-focus when attention should be directed inward toward grief, and an older mystical tradition about reflections and the spiritual state of the house.

Set up low seating for the mourners. Mourners sit on chairs or stools lower than standard height, typically under 12 inches, as a physical expression of being "brought low" by grief. You can purchase or borrow low shiva chairs, use sturdy footstools, flip standard dining chairs on their seats and pad them, or set cushions directly on the floor. Only the primary mourners (spouse, parents, children, siblings of the deceased) need low seating. Visitors sit on normal chairs.

If the family follows the custom, prepare a hand-washing station at the front entrance. Place a large pitcher of water and a basin or bucket near the front door with a towel. Many communities wash their hands upon returning from a cemetery; ask the family or rabbi about the local practice.

Light a shiva candle. A seven-day memorial candle is lit as soon as the family returns from the burial. It burns continuously for the entire shiva period, representing the soul of the deceased. Place it in a safe, stable location away from curtains or flammable items.

Organizing the Physical Space

A shiva house receives a steady stream of visitors for seven days. The space needs to accommodate daily prayer services, meals, and quiet conversation.

Create a prayer area. Morning and evening prayer services are held in the shiva home daily according to local practice. You need enough space for a minyan (ten adult Jewish men in Orthodox practice) to stand and pray together. Set aside a living room or den, arrange siddurim (prayer books) on a table, and ask the rabbi or prayer leader which direction to face rather than assuming east.

Designate a meal area. Friends and community members bring food throughout shiva. Keep one table or counter clear as a staging area. Label food as dairy or meat to maintain kosher separation. Have disposable plates, cups, and utensils available so the family is not burdened with dishes.

Leave the front door unlocked or ajar. Visitors are expected to enter quietly without knocking or ringing the doorbell. Many families post a small sign on the door explaining this to out-of-town guests or non-Jewish visitors who may not be familiar with the practice.

Remove leather shoes. The mourners go without leather shoes for the duration of shiva, wearing socks, cloth shoes, or slippers. Have an area near the entrance where the mourners' regular shoes are set aside.

The Seudat Havraah: The First Meal

The meal of condolence (seudat havraah) is the first food the mourners eat after returning from the cemetery. Halacha forbids the mourners from preparing their own food for this meal. Neighbors or the community provide it.

The menu carries specific symbolism:

• Hard-boiled eggs represent the cycle of life (round, with no beginning or end) and resilience (eggs harden with cooking, unlike most foods).
• Bagels or round rolls echo the same cyclical symbolism.
• Lentils are round and, unlike other beans, have no opening, symbolizing the speechless state of the mourner.

The first meal traditionally centers on eggs, round foods, and lentils. Do not assume meat or wine is appropriate; follow the family's rabbi or community custom.

What the Mourners Do (and Don't Do) for Seven Days

Shiva begins immediately upon returning from burial and lasts seven days, though it is cut short if a major Jewish holiday intervenes.

Mourners do not:

• Work or conduct business
• Bathe for pleasure (basic hygiene is permitted)
• Shave or cut hair
• Wear leather shoes
• Apply cosmetics or perfume
• Wear freshly laundered or new clothing
• Engage in marital relations
• Study Torah (except for sorrowful passages like Job or Lamentations)

Mourners do:

• Sit on low chairs during waking hours
• Receive visitors who come to offer comfort
• Participate in daily prayer services with a minyan
• Recite the Mourner's Kaddish at designated points when a minyan is present

On Shabbat, public mourning is suspended. The mourners bathe, change into Shabbat clothing, wear leather shoes, and attend synagogue. They do not sit on low chairs on Shabbat. After Shabbat ends, they resume all mourning practices. Shabbat counts toward the seven days.

Practical Coordination for Helpers

If you are the friend or neighbor organizing the shiva house, here is what to coordinate beyond the initial setup:

• Meal schedule. Set up a shared signup sheet (digital or posted on the fridge) so the family receives consistent meals without gaps or excessive overlap. Breakfast and dinner are the main meals to cover.
• Minyan coordination. Coordinate the daily prayer services and minyan according to the family's local practice. In communities where a daily minyan is difficult to assemble, coordinate with the local synagogue for help.
• Visitor flow. Shiva houses are typically open in the mornings and late afternoon through evening. Some families post specific visiting hours to manage energy. Afternoon closures between services are common and reasonable.
• Children and pets. Arrange childcare or pet care if the mourners have young children or animals that need attention during services and visits.

The Jewish Orthodox Funeral & Shiva Guide includes printable shiva house setup checklists, visitor etiquette door signs, and meal coordination templates to help community members support a mourning family through every day of shiva.