Who Gets the Flag at a Military Funeral

The moment the uniformed representative steps forward with the folded flag is the emotional center of a military funeral. But behind that moment sits a federal protocol that determines exactly who receives it — and in blended families or complicated family dynamics, this question can become a real source of conflict if it isn't resolved before the service.

The Order of Precedence

The flag is presented to the designated primary next of kin. The commonly used order for identifying that recipient is:

1. Surviving spouse (or, in the case of registered domestic partnerships recognized by the state, the surviving partner)
2. Children (oldest first)
3. Parents (including stepparents who stood in loco parentis)
4. Siblings (oldest first)
5. Another appropriate family member designated by the family and honor guard coordinator

The uniformed service representative presents the flag directly to the designated recipient identified before the service. They hold the tricorn-folded flag waist-high with the straight edge facing the recipient and recite the standardized script: "On behalf of the President of the United States, [the branch of service], and a grateful Nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your loved one's honorable and faithful service."

This wording is not optional or customizable — it's the Department of Defense's official presentation verbiage, used identically across all six branches.

When Family Dynamics Complicate Things

The precedence list assumes a straightforward family structure. Reality is often messier:

Blended families may have a current spouse and adult children from a prior marriage who feel equally entitled. The family must agree on a designated recipient beforehand and inform the honor guard before the service.

Estranged spouses or legal separations can complicate the designation. Do not assume the honor guard will resolve the dispute; confirm the designated recipient before the service.

The PADD (Person Authorized to Direct Disposition) designated on the service member's DD Form 93 holds supreme authority over disposition of remains and funeral arrangements, and can influence flag presentation logistics. But the flag presentation precedence is a separate protocol from PADD authority.

The best approach: have this conversation before the service day. The honor guard detail needs to know exactly who will receive the flag so they can position themselves correctly in the committal shelter.

How to Request the Burial Flag

The standard 5' x 9.5' interment flag is provided free of charge. To obtain it:

1. Complete VA Form 27-2008 (Application for United States Flag for Burial Purposes)
2. Bring the form and a copy of the DD Form 214 to any VA regional office or U.S. Post Office
3. Call ahead to confirm that the local post office has burial flags; if it does not, ask where to obtain one

The funeral director typically handles this as part of their coordination, but family members can obtain the flag directly if needed.

Can Multiple Family Members Get a Flag?

The VA provides one official burial flag per veteran. However, families can purchase additional casket-size flags through commercial vendors — these carry no legal distinction as "the" burial flag but serve as meaningful keepsakes for children or siblings who didn't receive the presented flag.

Some families request that the funeral director fold additional flags for presentation to other family members during the service. This isn't part of the standard military protocol; ask the honor guard detail in advance whether it can accommodate the request.

What Happens to the Flag After the Service

The presented flag belongs to the recipient. Common options include:

• Displaying it in a triangular flag case (a deep shadow box with a glass front, designed specifically for tricorn-folded burial flags)
• Donating it to the veteran's former unit, ship, or military museum
• Passing it to another family member later

There are no federal regulations governing what happens to the flag after presentation. It is the recipient's personal property.

The Military Funeral & Honors Guide includes scripts for navigating flag-recipient conversations within blended families, along with the exact forms and coordination steps to ensure the ceremony goes smoothly.