Wiping of Tears Ceremony in Lakota Tradition: Meaning, Timeline, and What to Expect

What the Wiping of Tears Ceremony Is

The Wiping of Tears (Istamniya Wicakicipakinta Pi) is the closing ceremony of the Lakota mourning cycle — performed exactly one year after a loved one's death. It formally ends the family's period of active grief and releases both the deceased's soul and the living family back into the full flow of community life.

This is not a memorial service in the Western sense, where people gather to remember. For families who observe Keeping of the Soul, it is a spiritual event that accomplishes something: the soul that has been kept close to the family for twelve months is deliberately released to complete its journey to the spirit world. Until this ceremony happens, that family's mourning period is not finished, the family remains in a state of spiritual restriction, and the soul remains tethered to the living.

The Year-Long Mourning Period Before It

The Wiping of Tears ceremony is the endpoint of a year that begins the day the person dies. Understanding what happens during that year is essential to understanding the ceremony itself.

Immediate mourning (first four days after burial): The family enters strict home isolation — no public activity, no work, no social engagement. Extended family handles all household tasks. Sobriety is mandatory. Traditional teaching says the patterns established during these four days set the spiritual template for the rest of the mourner's life.

The mourning year: For twelve months after the death, close relatives live in a state of quiet withdrawal. They refrain from attending celebrations, powwows, social dances, or lighthearted community events. They focus on internal healing and on caring for the soul bundle.

The Soul Keeper: One family member — often a parent, sibling, or spouse — is designated as the Soul Keeper (Wanagi Yuhapi). This person vows to live a life of complete harmony for the entire year: no conflict, no anger, no destructive behavior. They care for the soul bundle, which contains a lock of the deceased's hair purified over sweetgrass smoke and wrapped in sacred buckskin. The bundle is kept in a special place in the home, treated with the reverence given to a living presence.

Gathering for the giveaway: Throughout the year, the family collects star quilts, Pendleton blankets, handmade shawls, beaded jewelry, and other items for the major giveaway that accompanies the Wiping of Tears ceremony. This is the largest giveaway event — significantly bigger than any distribution at the burial itself.

How the Ceremony Works

The Wiping of Tears ceremony is conducted by a traditional spiritual leader and typically takes place in a tipi, lodge, or community center. The core elements:

The three chairs: Three chairs are set up — two for the primary mourners, and one empty chair in the middle representing the deceased. The empty chair makes the deceased's presence visible one last time before the release.

Sage and sweetgrass purification: The spiritual leader burns sage to cleanse the mourners of the grief energy they have carried for a year. The smoke is fanned over their faces, shoulders, and hands with an eagle feather — literally wiping the tears from them.

The eagle feather touch: The spiritual leader touches the mourners' shoulders and faces with eagle feathers while speaking prayers that release them from the restrictions of the mourning period. This touch formally "wipes" the grief and restores the mourners to full participation in community life.

The soul release (Wanagi Tachanku): The soul bundle is carried outdoors into the open air. Offering food is buried in the earth, and tobacco is burned. The soul is released from its year-long dwelling with the family to travel south along the Spirit Path (the Milky Way), where traditional teaching says it is judged by Maya Owichapaha (the Owl Maker) based on the virtues of the person's earthly life.

The Circle Dance: Attendees move in a counterclockwise circle, reconnecting the living community after the year of grief. Physical greetings are quiet. Small gifts may be placed in the mourners' laps.

The major giveaway: Following the ceremony, the family hosts the largest giveaway of the mourning cycle. Star quilts are wrapped around the shoulders of honored elders, veterans, helpers, and community members. The family gives away as much as they have gathered — sometimes dozens of quilts and blankets. This radical generosity strips the family of material wealth, honoring the deceased by demonstrating that relationships and community matter more than possessions.

The memorial feast: A large communal meal closes the day, continuing the obligation of hospitality that has run through the entire funeral cycle.

What Changes After the Ceremony

Once the Wiping of Tears is complete:

• The family is released from mourning restrictions — they can attend celebrations, powwows, and social events again
• The Soul Keeper is released from their year-long vow of harmony
• The soul bundle is no longer kept in the home
• The community recognizes that the mourning period has formally ended

This does not mean grief disappears. It means the structured spiritual process is complete, and the family re-enters community life carrying their loss in a different way. Ongoing devotion continues through annual graveside visits, especially on Memorial Day, where families clean graves, leave offerings of food and personal items, and maintain the connection with their ancestors.

Planning for the Ceremony

If you are approaching the one-year mark and need to organize a Wiping of Tears ceremony:

• Contact the spiritual leader well in advance and ask how to prepare the tobacco offering used in the soul-release rites
• Begin gathering giveaway items months ahead; the quantity expected at the one-year mark is larger than the burial giveaway
• Secure a venue and plan for a feast to follow the ceremony
• Coordinate with family members who have been in mourning — make sure the Soul Keeper and primary mourners are prepared for the ceremony's emotional intensity

Our Lakota / Sioux Funeral Guide includes a complete one-year memorial planning timeline, a giveaway tracking worksheet, and detailed ceremony preparation checklists — built for families who may be organizing this for the first time.